Icewind's Ramblings

Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. Ice

Without much pomp and circumstance . . . well maybe just a little. See Anchorage Daily News Story. Bryce Edgmon and Rep. Carl Moses were deadlocked with 767 votes each after last month's primary election. A gold-and-silver commemorative coin spun through the air Monday and landed on a sea otter pelt -- tails up -- giving challenger Bryce Edgmon the win. It's the first time since Alaska ’s statehood that a coin toss has decided a state race. I wonder how many people in that district are asking themselves, “My vote wouldn’t have made a difference.” Fair or not, it is another example of the quirkiness of Life in the Last Frontier . You gotta love it as an example to cut costs in campaigning for office. Now what to do with the Sea Otter Pelt that gave his life to decide this election? Ice

Vegetarian = Eskimo term meaning: Lousy hunter in Alaska . Ice

Does life in Washington D.C. actually resemble an endless round of Crossfire ? Or does it just seem that way from the boonies here in Alaska ? Life is not Crossfire . The mid term elections are just around the corner . . . What in the hell are they all thinking . . . On all sides . . . I think the only problem with elections is that in the end you have to finally end up electing somebody! Ice

Let me assure you the following post is probably tasteless to some but is in the “normal” realm of my thinking. Most would probably feel the same way also if you had the time to spend thinking about such things. But this is my blog so I’ll fire this one off anyway. This is one of those "GUY POSTS" . One of those sick tasteless bits of satire dressed up as humor, but in reality is probably humorless. Bathroom Humor as it were, that one place when even at home alone, some would tend to shut and lock the door . . . for fear the dust mites or some other invisible creature might be lurking about and hear us doing our business, much less the dreaded farting, my Icewind trademark. But oh, if the moment strikes when at the workplace, there are rules that must be followed or at least considered. HOW TO POOP AT WORK: We've all been there, but don't like to admit it. We’ve all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we t...

Time doesn't fly it just seems to move more quickly. Which is also not true. Time has a constant velocity and zero acceleration. Ice

Slackers tend to do more work to get out of the work they were supposed to do. Ice

The Coleman stove and a pot of beans had been among the first things off the boat, and by the time we finished hauling everything in and setting up camp, dinner was hot and ready. Beans & Icewind go together so well on a cold and chilly night. A deep red sunset exploded to our far left, directly down the river; the water seemed to flow like blood from the setting sun. The transition to night was quick reminding us that winter is just around the corner and could start to happen any time now. Termination dust (snow) has started falling on the mountaintops around Anchorage again so it won’t be too long before the snow levels fall to the valley floor. As the darkness grew complete, the row of mountains in front of us became a proscenium to the most incredible night sky. The Big Dipper rose, crashing the darkness and shown bright right up the center of the stage, backed by stardust to infinity. The whole night sky seemed to hold its breath waiting for the moon to rise when,...

This was going to be about something else today but I saw something in our newspaper, Anchorage Daily News that I had to comment about. Many of my observations are about life here in the far northern regions around the Artic Circle . Hopefully some of them funny or maybe even thought provoking at times. Today it struck me in a strange way reading about this. Some of the next excerpts are from the AND story by Rose Cox and then my twisted take on things. “Michelle Martin has done something few Alaska women ever do -- break into the top 10 in a national pageant. She topped off that success by becoming the first Alaskan to win the Mrs. America pageant's state costume contest, wearing a frothy confection shaped as an igloo. The Anchorage resident was crowned Mrs. Alaska 2006 at the state pageant in July, her second attempt at the title. Martin wowed five judges in separate interviews to break into the top 10; the first such success since Cindy Roberts o...

The solution to world peace is to have no opinions. That way, people couldn't disagree. Ice

Fashion Faux Pas? Wearing Brown in Moose Season There are several post cards here that show Moose sticking their head in a kitchen window or walking into your garage. One even shows a moose kissing some woman. You never really want that to happen as they are wild animals who just happen to take up residence in our city during the fall and winter months. Besides, moose rarely kiss, they mostly kick. And they really kick hard. From the front legs mainly, not like a jackass kicking from with the rear legs. I have seen a moose kick the door to someone’s rig (Alaskan for truck) because they were blowing the horn at a cow (female moose) and her calf (small moose). When the person left their rig and went inside the moose started kicking the doors and fenders doing some pretty good damage to it. Moose hunting season is a BIG DEAL here in Alaska . What we sometimes have here are “minimally sane people” who just seem to lose it during moose season. And non-hunters need...

We have signs here in Alaska in different areas about the number of moose that are killed by vehicles each year and it usually numbers around 200+ for each area. Last Winter's Moose Kill Total There is also a nifty little idea here in Alaska that other states should consider and implement. There are some strange twists to it but more on that in a minute. Should a train or vehicle have a moose encounter of the close kind (hitting) and the moose is crippled or killed, the driver may shoot the moose as most Alaskan’s have weapons (picking on a cripple, how cruel) but this person may not keep the moose. The moose murderer must report the death to the proper police department in the area. Now here’s the kicker. The person involved will also get a ticket from the troopers for hitting the moose and will pay a fine for the moose getting in the way. (How lame is that?) But now the cool part . . . People in need can sign up on a list to be called if there is a ...

Outsourcing is a way of life. True leaders stick to planning and pin the actual work on everyone else. Ice

"Men in Trees" (regular time period Friday’s 7 p.m., ABC) If you ever liked visiting Cicely , Alaska (that remote, quirky locale for the 1990’s TV series "Northern Exposure" ) you should feel right at home with "Men in Trees" , a new hour long ABC comedy set in Alaska 's similarly mythical town called Elmo. It's easy to write her new series off as simply a "Northern Exposure" meets "Sex and the City" as show creator, Jenny Bicks was a producer on that show. We also discover why this show is called “ Men in Trees” ; it's based on a sign on the street where men are literally high in a tree doing some trim work. http://abc.go.com/primetime/schedule/2006-07/menintrees.html Most actors bring a little baggage with them onto a set or movie, but Anne Heche has the entire Samsonite line. Known as a flirty ingénue who dated Steve Martin , she hit all the tabloids when she became Ellen DeGeneres ' ...

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We've added years to life but for most people not life to years. Ic...

In my generation, which was a generation ago, the question was repeatedly asked, "Where were you when President Kennedy was shot?" For my generation, there are too many questions with fewer answers. The United States changed directions and suddenly we were in a war called Viet Nam and the loss of this country’s young men’s innocence. Tragedies and calamities abounded in our collective memories. But as with the saying “time heals all wounds” and we proceeded for many years along a course with unclear direction. Within this generation the final innocence was taken on September 11, 2001 , but seems to have been somewhat faded now as the one question that will be asked again and again is, "Where were you on 9/11?" At this time of year, that question doesn't even have to be asked. It has been five years now and we have all aged somewhat and our consciousness changed in our everyday lives and travels. Something lost, flows through my mind, ...

I am not usually political in my blog and am trying not to be now but the words still ring true regardless how one’s views the current world condition. Here is a short video by Darren Winkler that I wanted to share as a reminder when Innocence died in America . Last year in Utah at the Sandy City Hall they paid tribute with flags to the fallen. Click on the link to see pictures of a visual reminder of those who lost their lives in the aftermath of the planes hitting the World Trade Center . You will never be forgotten . . . Ice

As I stepped out of the shower the other day and looking in the mirror, the thought crossed my mind that I should never post nude pictures of myself on this blog. Doing so probably would not be without precedent as some may recall the time I posted a topless photo of myself that I sent to my doctor friend to identify a peculiar rash that was festering on my chest. It turned out to be an infected mosquito bite that I received while fishing but that email is out in internet limbo floating around I guess. Then, however, another more truly disturbing thought flashed through my brain: Such pictures may already exist somewhere on the internet. And if they do exist, I have only the stupidity of my youth to blame. After the Army, I dated for a little while an art major who happened to be taking a photography course. She was always looking for things to take pictures of so she could practice and I guess I was no exception. She always needed someone to photograph and as her boyfriend, I ...

WHY WE FORWARD JOKES? The Amazon Basin web site that I play a few online games with friends was down for several days recently with technical difficulties moving the server to another location and gave everyone time to venture into our minds for other things to occupy our time and energy. It got me thinking about something as I was out of town for a few days and had many emails when I was able to connect to the internet again. Do you ever wonder why we forward jokes to each other across the miles? I am going to ‘splain it to you now (‘splain=southern=explain) A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a lon...

I don’t know if you have this ad in your part of the world but I keep seeing ads for KY Sensual Mist Personal Lubricant on television and it seems like they are playing it quite a bit here lately. I am not sure if that is because the advertisers are getting us prepared for another long hard winter with the extra hours of darkness that we get in Alaska during our winter months. The set up for the ad is the husband is sitting on the couch adjusting the TV sports channels and the pretty wife is upstairs calling him on his cell phone and reading the directions from the label. (Like they will need any directions) The husband quickly tries to figure out how to record the sports program and hurries upstairs. I keep making the same bad jokes in my mind and sometimes even saying out loud, just a little bit different each time . . . "I like to be personally lubricated." "I, personally, like to be lubricated." "Personally, I like to be lubricated....