Too Many Late Night Tv Commercials

I was up late last night working on a couple of things for work and I had the television going in the background. I wasn’t really paying attention to it as it was on mainly to drown out the noise of the washer and dryer going behind me. Yes, I’m still writing from the laundry room . . . it’s great to have an office with peace and quiet so I can put all of my weird thoughts on paper.


Sunday nights are usually a busy place in my ‘office’ as there are the final loads of laundry to be washed and dried. The constant folding of towels, underwear, and clothes along with the constant thumping sound of the washer drum as it needs a new belt and will bang the sides of the washer if things are slightly out of balance within the wash drum. It keeps me on my toes making sure it does not throw a belt.


Anyway I am at a stopping point in one excel spreadsheet and was about to open another when I stopped to take a sip of my coffee. I will drink a cup or two late at night to help me sleep which is strange to most people but it seems to have a calming effect on my body so I enjoy before bedtime. I will drink a cup anytime during the day as I enjoy the flavor and the smell of a great cup. None of that Starbucks crap for me . . . just good ground coffee beans suits me just fine.


Okay back to the television when I look at a commercial and realize I am so out of that loop when it comes to some things.


These two young women were talking when I realized it was a Trojan commercial. Not a condom commercial but one for “her pleasure” with a product called “Trojan Her Pleasure Vibrating Touch Fingertip Massager”. I was wondering why Trojan would make something to massage fingertips.



Dang I use to think I knew everything there was to please a woman, but I tell you, I never would have believed that massaging her finger tips would turn her on, or that they had devices that she could put on or I guess I could put on too that would massage her fingertip to an orgasm. Crap it took us men a long time to be trained that the clitoris was important, now the only question I have is, which finger is more sensitive? It’s so confusing to us men in trying to stay abreast of things.


I remember when condoms quit being a behind the counter item at Wal-Mart so this would probably never be allowed in the Bible belt where I grew up unless it became really popular and would make them lots of money. Here in Alaska this makes some things easier with not having to take all of your clothes off, freezing to death. Going for that perfect fingertip with your flannel long johns or that nice fleece lounge wear keeping you comfortable may change the whole meaning of foreplay.


Sometimes I feel like I’m getting older and I am behind the times. I guess I am but I tell you living here in the Last Frontier I hadn’t heard of these vibrating touch dealie things and I was really surprised when I saw them on the late night show, but I guess considering the state of things nowadays I shouldn’t been. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised when I saw Trojans the condom maker was selling them.


I was also struck with this simple realization: Somewhere in this great country, in a long-forgotten, long lost junkyard, rests the remains of a rusting 1965 Ford Mustang 2+2 fastback with two Trojans taped discreetly under the dashboard. Thanks to AIDS, herpes, and the Surgeon General of the United States, the sexual revolution seems to be over.


And I never fired a shot.


Ice

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