Squawk List

A pilot discovers sumpin' wrong with his aircraft he fills out sumpin' known as a squawk list so the mechanics can fix the problems once they are known. This happens with all aircraft whether a commercial airliner, corporate aircraft, or even the training planes with a student pilot.

Anyway, looking back through some old aviation items of mine I came across this compilation of actual problems and solutions from squawk lists.


(P = The problem as logged by the pilot)
(M = The solution and action taken by the mechanics or engineers)


P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
M: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
M: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
M: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
M: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
M: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
M: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
M: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction lock causes throttle levers to stick.
M: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
M: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
M: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
M: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
M: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
M: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
M: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

M: Took hammer away from midget.

And with that, I'm calling it a night. It is cold, windy, and the long dark nights make it time for a Guinness tonight.

Happy Holidays!

Ice

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