Icewind's Ramblings

When we were on vacation last summer we came across this while wandering around. Enjoy! Ice

“Why are farts funny?” Most of my life has been spent researching this phenomenon and reporting the various circumstances for its embellishment.   My nickname has long stuck with me and I am sure over the years it has set off a few people . . .   some with disgust (from the smell) others with laughter (from the sounds) leaving some in pure astonishment (jumping up and cutting one while in the air).   Well, I’ve thought about this and I think I know why farts are funny.   I do believe it’s the surprise factor.   In comedy, a joke is funny because the punch line is unexpected.   A fart is like a smelly little punch line. This theory is confirmed by the fact that the funniest farts are the ones that are the least expected.   For example, a fart is funnier if it comes from someone who doesn’t usually fart or when the fart sneaks up on you in an inappropriate location (Nordstrom’s, church, job interview, etc.).   Another that I have discovered a...

The last few days have been wonderful here in the beautiful summer sun of Alaska.   Had some great golf, a nice dinner last night and my usual Saturday Breakfast with friends and went to Sunday coffee before heading out to do some shopping and chores for the day. Now I am not one to complain about a lot of things but I do pride myself in observing people and commenting on the sometimes funny and crazy things that people do, especially if they do not think people are paying attention. This is a “what in the world do you think you’re doing” category rant that I observed this morning.   It totally put me off my coffee and I wanted to go out and find him to ask . . . What the hell? After about 4 cups of coffee and get up and head to the restroom and as I am walking in there is a fellow about 35 heading out the door.   I go in and there is someone standing at the urinal so my only place is the stall.   I walk into the stall and to my amazement the guy coming out did...

Many days at work I take my lunch at the Applebee’s down the street from my office.   It is a nice place and the staff treats me and my co-workers great knowing what we usually eat and as we walk in the order is put in so we have our meal fast. I walked in on Valentine’s Day and the two high top tables that we normally sit at were full and I was by myself my waitress asked me to sit at the bar.   I said ok and as I walked in noticed this old man with a walker making his way slowly from his table toward the bathroom.   I did not think anything of it other than I noticed him and also a lady on the other side of the restaurant who was trying to get her small child to stop throwing his napkin and spoon on the floor. I was talking with the waitress for several minutes while I waited for my salad and soup to come out and she was telling me about a couple of things happening at Applebee’s and with a couple of the staff she worked with. The woman finally had her son under c...

They are starting to take flight all over Anchorage signaling colder weather to come. It’s September now and in the parks, lawns, and bodies of water all over town the Canadian Geese are scrambling for that last meal before they take flight and head south.  When I returned to work at lunch time it reminded me of several scenes from the movie Fly Away Home . The resident geese are taking over the skies around here and are they noisy!  There they were several hundred in various groupings in their awesome “V” formations.  You can’t help but look up as they pass overhead (hoping they won’t crap on you or your car as there are so many of them).  You can see the white turd bombs falling from the formation it is an almost funny sight as long as it is not zooming earthward towards you.  These Canada geese have begun their journey southbound from the farther north land locations for the coming winter.  It’s amazing how they use the “V” shape formation so they c...

Well weeks actually . . . as I was out of town last week on Monday to Kipnuk for a long “day” trip.  It is one of those where you leave the house at 4 AM to get to the airport for an early morning flight.  It just so happened that this was June 21 st which is the summer solstice, the longest day of the year.  When I walked out the door at four the sun was already above the mountaintops to the northeast of town.  With our high latitude we do not have the typical sun rises in the east and sets in the west like most places further south.  During the long summers our sun rises in the northeast about 50 degrees from north not the “normal” 90 degrees “east” heading and sets briefly around 310 degrees not the usual 270 degrees “west”.  So much for the brief explanation as all I wanted to say was the sun was already heading up into the summer sky. I went with the engineers for a progress inspection since I took over these three projects just over three weeks ...

Part 2          Good health on tap in Chevak , Alaska As you saw in the first story about a community that is on the verge of having water and sewer service introduced into their homes will quickly change lives. One of my engineers shown in the first story, works with many villages in western Alaska helping to bring about these changes to people off the road system in remote areas of the state.  ANTHC is a non profit company whose main entity is the Native Hospital system throughout Alaska and my part called Division of Environmental and Health and Engineering (DEHE) which is an engineering and construction company which designs and builds water and sewer systems as well as health clinics all over the state.  Even with the high cost of building these project and the many years it takes to get funding and the construction completed we have found that in the long run it is cheaper than flying by Medivac air ambulance those people ...

Iditarod 38 has a new 4 time winner who has won consecutively the last four years . . . Lance Mackey a never before feat of endurance and dog handling with a never tiring pack of champion dogs.  It is after all, The Iditarod.   Lance arrived in Nome , Alaska this afternoon with the races second fastest time at 2:59 pm . . . arriving just under 9 days from the start in Anchorage . With true grit and determination after a ‘comment’ by 4 time champion Jeff King just after the halfway point gave added incentive for Mackey to push hard to take the lead and not look back.   Winner’s podium under the burled arch on Front Street in Nome with Rev, Mackey, and Maple. Here’s a fun reprint from The Washington Post of a Norman Chad parody of the Iditarod from the four legged viewpoint.  It’s a funny read . . . Couch Slouch checks in on the Iditarod, and its canine correspondent By NORMAN CHAD Monday, March 15, 2010 The Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race -- often called ...

This is the big weekend for Daylight Savings Time where those that observe this will set clocks forward one hour in the spring and set them back an hour in the fall. We pushed forward last night losing an hour of sleep during a time I seem to need more.  It’s been busy these last few weeks and my stress level I’m sure is elevated too even though I try not to let on. Friday evening I felt a big bump on the back of my neck which was quite painful but did not have the redness one would think of.  I thought it might an ingrown hair or possibly an ‘old fart’ pimple and went to sleep with some discomfort but no real thought about it.  I woke up Saturday morning for my breakfast meeting and felt more swelling and tenderness on the back right side of my neck.  It was painful and when I returned home after a few hours I felt totally like crap and had chills and was wiped out.  I took a couple of Aleve and lie on the sofa and fell asleep for a few hours.  This ...

I need to come clean since I pretended to be asleep last night after “The Incident”. I would like to give you a little back story before I confess.  This past weekend was one of those times where there were multiple things going on and everyone is required to give way from the normal routines and go into that feeding frenzy mode that comes during these times. We had the start of the Olympics with the athletic competition getting underway on Saturday.  Then add to that the happenings in Daytona with auto racing which included Danica Patrick’s debut in the Nationwide Series 300 and the running of the 52 nd annual Daytona 500 NASCAR race and you have the makings of a stomach disaster. To properly watch any of these events you have to prepare for them.  The Super Bowl has its ‘must haves’ to do it up just right.  There is always chili, hot dogs or hamburgers, nachos, and the chips & dip that set the mood for the afternoon.  Mine was no different where you...

I suffered tonight while eating dinner as I sat watching television.  I had been watching the local news which as I did that manly thing of channel surfing I stumbled upon either “Show Biz Tonight” or “Entertainment Tonight”.  They both look the same to me as I never watch these programs but the ‘teaser’ during the commercial gave reference to a pre-Olympic story on skier Lindsey Vonn which I wanted to see. While I waited for the story I was bombarded by a story about John Meyer’s raunchy talk about his former love Jessica Simpson.  Who cares was my first thought, and then I went into wondering who the hell John Mayer is?  Turns out he is somewhat of a singer and had the song from The Bucket List, “Say”.  Yeah that was annoying long before I ever saw the movie with its repeating the line “Say what you need to say” 41 times in just over 3 minutes and 44 seconds.  It was not the neat little ditty like some songs that stick in your brain to help you bright...

I love the internet as you can find almost anything with a few key words or a brief description.  There is information on subjects or topics from all walks of life and that cover any side or point of view about a subject. Example: Itchy Butt has much information with a quick Google search and trying to find a remedy could be found in of all places on Craig’s List.  Even Answers.com gets a hit! What a product to help you stop itching . . . Here's the text of one testimonial ad for AnaNOitch-D on Craig’s List: "Hello there, I bought two bottles of AnaNOitch-D to get rid of my rectal itching.  After just a few days of using this natural remedy the itching stopped.  Now I don't need the second bottle.  I paid $33 for it as you can see on their website, but I will sell it to you for $14.  If you live close by, you are welcome to come over and pick it up.  Please let me know.   Myra . " Now that's a sure sell if you suffer from this ailmen...

I’ve had this one tucked away for many months now debating when to post it as I have moved away from some of my earlier funny but questionable musings.  But I do feel it is a subject that many experience but may never have thought to ask . . . Well that’s why I am here to help . . . your itchy butt expert who took two years of research without any government grants to give you this insightful information. Have you ever needed to scratch your butt in public but there were too many witnesses?  Well I have a solution for you for just about any situation. Icewind’s Guide on “How to Scratch your Butt in Public (without unwanted stares)”. 1. The Wall Approach - Slowly back-up towards the closest wall possible. Then, take desired hand & move it towards the itchy buttocks.  Scratch uncontrollably, until its better. 2. The Pants Approach - “The Back Pocket” carefully reach into the back pocket of your pants.  Slowly itch the desired cheek and act like yo...

I read a lot of blogs when I get the chance on all kinds of subjects and one that seems to get a ton of verbiage is about people who work in offices.  Some are complaints about people who have co-workers who steal their lunch or co-workers who wear too much perfume.  A few about those people who haven’t mastered email etiquette at work.  I read blogs where people rant about their bosses, complain about their work schedule, moan about their cubicle size. Which makes me feel somewhat guilty. Because usually . . . I don’t have anything to complain about.  Sure, I might have a backlog of work from submittals or O&M manuals waiting for my attention or a list of calls to return but is that really something to complain about?  Not really.  The work hectic but I think I thrive on it if truth be told but this is just . . . It’s sort of a gross story, but I did it as a child too . . . so I can understand the appeal. (Get it . . . A PEEL?  I’m here all ...

On Aug. 15 to 17, 1969, (and into the 18 th ) hundreds of thousands of people, me among them, gathered in a lovely natural amphitheater in Bethel (not Woodstock ), New York . It was the Woodstock Music & Art Fair in upstate New York officially billed as “Aquarian Exposition” in White Lake , NY . New York was foreign to me at the time, worlds away from a typical southern boy’s existence growing up in Atlanta during the 60’s civil rights movement and all of the national chaos going on around the country during those times. I was just a funny kid with places to see and things to do in what I now, years later have jokingly called the series of my travels, “Looking for America ”. Gasoline was cheap back then at fifty cents a gallon so three boyhood friends were going to make the trek from Atlanta , Georgia to a farm in New York State . Steve Nash, Stuart Morris and I planned to leave three days before the concert started s...