Icewind's Ramblings

It snowed in May in Anchorage Alaska yesterday and many people felt like it was the last days had arrived as everyone wants the snow to be gone for the season and warmer weather to finally arrive.  With the crazy weather it brought about mixed emotions and moods for many people so in the spirit of trying to motivate everyone to be positive and move forward to a great day.   "You polish your turd, I'll polish my turd, Then everyone can have shiny shit!" Happy Cinco de Mayo by the way! Ice

“Why are farts funny?” Most of my life has been spent researching this phenomenon and reporting the various circumstances for its embellishment.   My nickname has long stuck with me and I am sure over the years it has set off a few people . . .   some with disgust (from the smell) others with laughter (from the sounds) leaving some in pure astonishment (jumping up and cutting one while in the air).   Well, I’ve thought about this and I think I know why farts are funny.   I do believe it’s the surprise factor.   In comedy, a joke is funny because the punch line is unexpected.   A fart is like a smelly little punch line. This theory is confirmed by the fact that the funniest farts are the ones that are the least expected.   For example, a fart is funnier if it comes from someone who doesn’t usually fart or when the fart sneaks up on you in an inappropriate location (Nordstrom’s, church, job interview, etc.).   Another that I have discovered a...

The last few days have been wonderful here in the beautiful summer sun of Alaska.   Had some great golf, a nice dinner last night and my usual Saturday Breakfast with friends and went to Sunday coffee before heading out to do some shopping and chores for the day. Now I am not one to complain about a lot of things but I do pride myself in observing people and commenting on the sometimes funny and crazy things that people do, especially if they do not think people are paying attention. This is a “what in the world do you think you’re doing” category rant that I observed this morning.   It totally put me off my coffee and I wanted to go out and find him to ask . . . What the hell? After about 4 cups of coffee and get up and head to the restroom and as I am walking in there is a fellow about 35 heading out the door.   I go in and there is someone standing at the urinal so my only place is the stall.   I walk into the stall and to my amazement the guy coming out did...

Many days at work I take my lunch at the Applebee’s down the street from my office.   It is a nice place and the staff treats me and my co-workers great knowing what we usually eat and as we walk in the order is put in so we have our meal fast. I walked in on Valentine’s Day and the two high top tables that we normally sit at were full and I was by myself my waitress asked me to sit at the bar.   I said ok and as I walked in noticed this old man with a walker making his way slowly from his table toward the bathroom.   I did not think anything of it other than I noticed him and also a lady on the other side of the restaurant who was trying to get her small child to stop throwing his napkin and spoon on the floor. I was talking with the waitress for several minutes while I waited for my salad and soup to come out and she was telling me about a couple of things happening at Applebee’s and with a couple of the staff she worked with. The woman finally had her son under c...

They are starting to take flight all over Anchorage signaling colder weather to come. It’s September now and in the parks, lawns, and bodies of water all over town the Canadian Geese are scrambling for that last meal before they take flight and head south.  When I returned to work at lunch time it reminded me of several scenes from the movie Fly Away Home . The resident geese are taking over the skies around here and are they noisy!  There they were several hundred in various groupings in their awesome “V” formations.  You can’t help but look up as they pass overhead (hoping they won’t crap on you or your car as there are so many of them).  You can see the white turd bombs falling from the formation it is an almost funny sight as long as it is not zooming earthward towards you.  These Canada geese have begun their journey southbound from the farther north land locations for the coming winter.  It’s amazing how they use the “V” shape formation so they c...

The days are getting shorter now and winters on the way, there’s whispering on the winds telling us it’s that time to pray.   Pray for a quick winter and a return to our beloved summers. We are almost at that time when the frost is on the windshields of vehicles not tucked away in a garage and the time to return to using the auto-start on your rig to warm it up before you get in for that drive to work.   I originally came from the South and I have been surprised that no one there has started selling vehicle auto-starters for the use in summer to cool their vehicle before getting into them in the near 100 degree heat.   Could do well there I bet with a little promotion.   Not I mind you as I could not take the heat full time unless I was on one of the tropical islands somewhere with a drink in hand.   Jeff Foxworthy made famous the “You might be a Redneck” jokes and along those same lines we have our share of Alaskan humor that is a little different than the...

Part 2          Good health on tap in Chevak , Alaska As you saw in the first story about a community that is on the verge of having water and sewer service introduced into their homes will quickly change lives. One of my engineers shown in the first story, works with many villages in western Alaska helping to bring about these changes to people off the road system in remote areas of the state.  ANTHC is a non profit company whose main entity is the Native Hospital system throughout Alaska and my part called Division of Environmental and Health and Engineering (DEHE) which is an engineering and construction company which designs and builds water and sewer systems as well as health clinics all over the state.  Even with the high cost of building these project and the many years it takes to get funding and the construction completed we have found that in the long run it is cheaper than flying by Medivac air ambulance those people ...

For something a little different . . . Iditarod 38 is ‘over’ with a champion crowned but there are still 16 teams on the trail heading for Nome .  After the excitement of the race to be first there are some other interesting stories and things beginning to show up that I think you will like.  These videos were provided by SP Kennel’s Aliy Zirkle (finished 16 th Team Red) & her husband musher Allen Moore (finished 35 th Team Black) on their website, from YouTube, and KTUU Channel 2 News.  These video clips will give you a sled’s eye view of what it is to run the Iditarod, the beauty of the countryside, the solitude and loneliness of no one around for miles except your dogs . . . and possibly the wild animals in the Alaskan wilderness.  Please take the time to Enjoy! This before the start of Iditarod 38 is a KTUU Channel 2 interview with Aliy Zirkle who has ran the Iditarod since 2001 when I first moved to Alaska .  She was the first woman to win the Y...

I suffered tonight while eating dinner as I sat watching television.  I had been watching the local news which as I did that manly thing of channel surfing I stumbled upon either “Show Biz Tonight” or “Entertainment Tonight”.  They both look the same to me as I never watch these programs but the ‘teaser’ during the commercial gave reference to a pre-Olympic story on skier Lindsey Vonn which I wanted to see. While I waited for the story I was bombarded by a story about John Meyer’s raunchy talk about his former love Jessica Simpson.  Who cares was my first thought, and then I went into wondering who the hell John Mayer is?  Turns out he is somewhat of a singer and had the song from The Bucket List, “Say”.  Yeah that was annoying long before I ever saw the movie with its repeating the line “Say what you need to say” 41 times in just over 3 minutes and 44 seconds.  It was not the neat little ditty like some songs that stick in your brain to help you bright...

What is a brain fart?  From what I understand, just as one can’t really hold on to their fart that is about to escape through clenched cheeks, brain farts are those thoughts that randomly escape out of your brain through your mouth and into the air, polluting it for a few seconds.  Depending on the person of course, some stench may linger and some don’t. Sometimes our minds work well and the creative juices flow and ideas to write about come quickly and make my “topics” list or “story list”.  I can think of something and later easily recall enough of the idea to jot down something to jog my memory later when I can spend time working on and developing the writing. Don't you love it when you are excited about something . . . and then when it comes time to do/say whatever it is you wanted to say/do . . . you have a brain fart and have NO idea what it was you were so excited about in the first place?  Well, if that has never happened to you . . . GREAT!  H...

I love the internet as you can find almost anything with a few key words or a brief description.  There is information on subjects or topics from all walks of life and that cover any side or point of view about a subject. Example: Itchy Butt has much information with a quick Google search and trying to find a remedy could be found in of all places on Craig’s List.  Even Answers.com gets a hit! What a product to help you stop itching . . . Here's the text of one testimonial ad for AnaNOitch-D on Craig’s List: "Hello there, I bought two bottles of AnaNOitch-D to get rid of my rectal itching.  After just a few days of using this natural remedy the itching stopped.  Now I don't need the second bottle.  I paid $33 for it as you can see on their website, but I will sell it to you for $14.  If you live close by, you are welcome to come over and pick it up.  Please let me know.   Myra . " Now that's a sure sell if you suffer from this ailmen...

I’ve had this one tucked away for many months now debating when to post it as I have moved away from some of my earlier funny but questionable musings.  But I do feel it is a subject that many experience but may never have thought to ask . . . Well that’s why I am here to help . . . your itchy butt expert who took two years of research without any government grants to give you this insightful information. Have you ever needed to scratch your butt in public but there were too many witnesses?  Well I have a solution for you for just about any situation. Icewind’s Guide on “How to Scratch your Butt in Public (without unwanted stares)”. 1. The Wall Approach - Slowly back-up towards the closest wall possible. Then, take desired hand & move it towards the itchy buttocks.  Scratch uncontrollably, until its better. 2. The Pants Approach - “The Back Pocket” carefully reach into the back pocket of your pants.  Slowly itch the desired cheek and act like yo...

I read a lot of blogs when I get the chance on all kinds of subjects and one that seems to get a ton of verbiage is about people who work in offices.  Some are complaints about people who have co-workers who steal their lunch or co-workers who wear too much perfume.  A few about those people who haven’t mastered email etiquette at work.  I read blogs where people rant about their bosses, complain about their work schedule, moan about their cubicle size. Which makes me feel somewhat guilty. Because usually . . . I don’t have anything to complain about.  Sure, I might have a backlog of work from submittals or O&M manuals waiting for my attention or a list of calls to return but is that really something to complain about?  Not really.  The work hectic but I think I thrive on it if truth be told but this is just . . . It’s sort of a gross story, but I did it as a child too . . . so I can understand the appeal. (Get it . . . A PEEL?  I’m here all ...