Icewind's Ramblings

I saw this and figured I would post this for my friend Terran who enjoys such nonsense. Enjoy Terran! Ice

Life Observation # 172 Silence is Golden . . . Duct tape is Silver! Ice

It is great being back at work again and I am getting into the grind of putting bids out to get projects done around Alaska this summer.  The group that I am working with are great and now that my official State of Alaska email is up and running I have started to receive emails 'welcoming' me to DPS and 'congrats' on the new job replacing a long time employee who is retiring at the end of the month. My first email this morning was from one of the troopers who sent this to me so I know I will fit in just fine with this bunch of characters.  Missing Wife Found by Alaska State Troopers The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim faced Alaska State Troopers. "We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife," said one of the troopers. "Tell me! Did you find her?" Wilkens asked. The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We hav...

It snowed in May in Anchorage Alaska yesterday and many people felt like it was the last days had arrived as everyone wants the snow to be gone for the season and warmer weather to finally arrive.  With the crazy weather it brought about mixed emotions and moods for many people so in the spirit of trying to motivate everyone to be positive and move forward to a great day.   "You polish your turd, I'll polish my turd, Then everyone can have shiny shit!" Happy Cinco de Mayo by the way! Ice

It’s getting to be that time again . . . Wacky Winter . . . when Chicken Little’s prediction finally comes true: “The sky is falling.”   Winter has long been here in Alaska , and the darkness with it.  As we once again approach summer and finally moved into “Springtime” in Anchorage we are gaining approximately 5 minutes and 44 seconds of daylight every day until Summer Solstice on June 20 th @ 9:04 PM Alaska time. For most people it may seem strange to hear “springtime” as barely having temperatures just above freezing still in the thirties or if we are lucky reaching the low 40’s for a few days.  Anything to help melting commence and get breakup out of the way is desired by everyone it seems. How one handles this time of year makes or breaks many people who live here.  It is a wondrous place to live . . . most of the time but it does wear on you in the late stages of winter when you want the snow gone, light to return, and the “heat” of summer to on...

Life Observation # 164 “If time travel is possible . . . we'll know about it beforehand.”   Traveling woes At the airport for a business trip I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at gate C2. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, “We apologize for the inconvenience, but Alaska Flight 51 will board from Gate C8.” So everyone picked up our luggage and carry-on’s and headed down the corridor to gate C8.  It was not 10 minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 51 would in fact be boarding from Gate C2. So again everyone gathered our stuff and returned to the original gate.  Just as we were settling down the public address voice once again spoke:  “Thank you for participating in Alaska Airlines physical fitness program.” Ice

It looks like we may be in for another round of bad weather here in Alaska . The Municipality of Anchorage has issued a travel warning due to the snow, ice, and cold weather. They suggest that anyone traveling in the current icy conditions should make sure they have the following: Shovel Blankets or sleeping bag Extra clothing including hat and gloves 24 hours worth of food De-Icer Rock Salt Flashlight with spare batteries Road Flares or Reflective Triangles Candle and matches First Aid Kit Booster cables I looked like such an idiot on the bus this morning as I went for coffee! Ice

When we were on vacation last summer we came across this while wandering around. Enjoy! Ice

Here is a turkey recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as a stuffing ingredient -- imagine that. When I found this recipe, I thought it was perfect for people like me, who just are not sure how to tell when a turkey is thoroughly cooked, but not dried out. Give this a try: 8 - 15 lb. turkey 1 cup melted butter 1 cup stuffing (Pepperidge Farm is Good) 1 cup un-popped popcorn (ORVILLE REDENBACHER'S LOW FAT IS BEST) Salt/pepper to taste Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Brush turkey well with melted butter, salt, and pepper. Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn. Place in baking pan making sure the neck end is toward the front of the oven, not the back. After about 4 hours listen for the popping sounds. When the turkey's ass blows the oven door open and the bird flies across the room . . . it's done. And, you thought I didn't know how to cook... Happy Thanksgiving Everybody! Ice

I was going through some old boxes looking for something when I was sidetracked by a piece of paper I found.   As many of you know I used to have a dog Levi who was my constant companion and friend who went on many adventures with me or just sat at my feet while working at my desk or watching television.   I sure miss him but found something that gave me a chuckle and reminded me how much of my buddy Levi was. This was simply too much of a time saver not to share it with you. How to Clean a Toilet Put both lids of the toilet up then add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this. Flush the toilet three or four times. T...

It has been one of those weird Saturday’s with various things going on and nothing in particular. It was a bits and pieces kind of day with morning coffee and waiting for the concrete guy to show up to start his forms for pouring a slab in the garage.   Needless to say it was about noon before the phone call came in that he would not be here until Monday.   Possible morning golf missed before the weather turned, typical for this summer so far.   Then it was debated on heading out to the lake with golf tomorrow but the boat is still in for a tune up and not ready until next week so again no golf. Have a tee time for noon tomorrow so it allows time to piddle around finish laundry and other chores so not totally a wash plus I went to Lowe’s this afternoon and bought a BBQ grill and a couple chairs for the deck. A friend of mine emailed me this joke once he heard I was installing drains in the garage and possibly was going to install a urinal along with a slop sink in t...

Many of us these days use facebook for various reasons. Most would probably say they post to keep in contact with other people, many of us have ‘found’ each other after many years out of touch.   For this it has been a great way to rekindle those old friendships from high school, the military, or old business people from work place over the years. According to facebook statistics, there are currently 500 million active users; 50% of them log on to facebook in any given day. If you are into the bigger numbers, there are over 700 billion minutes spent wasted each month on facebook. The numbers are incredible and grossly impressive. Yet, with the millions of facebook users, how many people out there can actually say their facebook friends are ‘real’ friends. When looking at some different profiles, some people have a few friends, some have a few hundred, and others . . . well . . . I don’t think I have ever met that many people in my whole life. But, because we are looking at num...

This is another in the Observations of Men vs. Women. There is such a difference in the way the male brain vs. the female brain works.   It is illustrated by the following experience. When you go on a long trip and your end destination is to a woman driven household, you will be greeted with a meal and some quiet conversation and a warm bed. When you go on a long trip and a man is at the destination what you get is a bottle of tequila and two shot glasses left on the counter, Oh, and a lime.   Probably with a beer chaser, Life is good & relaxed. The thought process was the same behind each action . . . love and concern for the mental health of the people that had to drive or fly a long distance . . . but it is expressed in entirely different ways. Oftentimes what happens between men and women is that the ‘tokens or gestures’ are not recognized for what they are.   Women please don’t bitch for a half a day about the shot glasses and why on earth would a man ...

I do not know about you but sometimes television commercials just do not seem like much thought was given when making them. The one currently running on TV here for Viagra shows a nice looking middle age man sailing alone in a sailboat.   It looks like it is dusk and he is sailing away as it goes into the side effects of the drug.   He is ‘Alone’ in the boat.   Now I do not know about you but the idea of being alone in a boat with a ‘stiffy’ for over 4 hours does not sound all that fun.   The commercial shows him having a problem with the mainsail and having to fix the problem . . . I wonder if the ‘wood’ helped or hindered the repair.   Did this poor fellow use it to hammer the broken part in place or was this about the time the other side effects kicked in? I have never taken any of these so I can only speak from the commercials and the information provided but it seems like . . . well . . . it may not be the greatest thing it is being made out to be. ...

It’s been busy here and it took me a couple weeks to write this so I could post but the next time you’re having a bad day . . . just think of me. Having a bad day?   Cheer up it could have been like mine! So what did I do today? Well . . . I had a once (hopefully) in a lifetime experience today.   Something most people will never have to go through, if they’re lucky!   I went to see a dermatologist for a sore that is not healing. No big deal right?   I’ve had an old ‘war injury’ for over 35 years now and from time to time I get a flare up to the skin as either dryness or other condition irritates things . . . down there.   It’s sore from time to time and I’ve had this round since the end of 2011.   It is no big deal because it’s in an unmentionable location of course it’s only unmentionable by most people’s standards, not mine.   I’ll just say it . . . it’s in my a$$ crack.   I could say butt crack, but a$$ crack is a lot funnier to say and m...

Never sneeze . . . when someone is cutting your hair. Especially if you do not have a lot left to begin with. Ice

Education is a cure for ignorance, not stupidity. Ice

I was sitting here tonight and remembering my friend Lewis Grizzard as I was re-reading one of his books.   Years ago we hung out many nights together at Harrison’s on Peachtree with his step brother, Ludlow Porch (Bobby Hanson).   Both were humorist and funny as hell.   Ludlow was a rather large man, huge really while Lewis and I were quite skinny back then.   Sitting at the bar or at a table the three of us looked a strange sight.   The laughter and stories are probably why I enjoy my Saturday breakfast so much; it reminds me of those nights. The internet is a great thing as I looked I found several YouTube pieces from Lewis’ comedy albums or concerts.   I listened to them and I cannot stop laughing and honestly a few tears remembering those times.   It’s hard to believe Lewis has been gone almost 20 years now and Ludlow just over a year. Keeping my Southern heritage alive and well I share one of my favorite stories, “The Last Confederate Soldi...

Why do musher’s seek the challenge of the Iditarod? If you listen to them, they'll tell stories of experiencing the serenity of a beautiful day on the trail, dog team and musher working as one.   They'll talk of the intensity of the experience.   They'll talk of the challenge of meeting the demands of the world's last great race. On the early morning flight from Anchorage to Kotzebue and then to Nome the other day the last person to board the plane was an old haggard looking man who sought out a space to put his items in the overhead space on the plane.   He looked the part of what I would call the Alaskan Old Timer who had on his flannel shirt, Seal skin hat and bushy beard with thick glasses.   He was not a big man but rugged in every sense of the word. He sat down in the seat directly behind me and started talking, and talking, and did not stop from push back, deicing, take off to Kotzebue, landing and the hour turn around time to head to Nome and only quit ...

Many days at work I take my lunch at the Applebee’s down the street from my office.   It is a nice place and the staff treats me and my co-workers great knowing what we usually eat and as we walk in the order is put in so we have our meal fast. I walked in on Valentine’s Day and the two high top tables that we normally sit at were full and I was by myself my waitress asked me to sit at the bar.   I said ok and as I walked in noticed this old man with a walker making his way slowly from his table toward the bathroom.   I did not think anything of it other than I noticed him and also a lady on the other side of the restaurant who was trying to get her small child to stop throwing his napkin and spoon on the floor. I was talking with the waitress for several minutes while I waited for my salad and soup to come out and she was telling me about a couple of things happening at Applebee’s and with a couple of the staff she worked with. The woman finally had her son under c...