Icewind's Ramblings

Why is it wrong or rude to fart? I have pondered this question for awhile now as I have gone through many different times with having plenty of “gas”. It has been that way as long as I can remember and my attitude has always been to “air it out”. The idea of holding things in to ferment and grow into this eye watering, gagging, and nostril burning being that takes a life of its own would not be good for anyone. I am not saying I fart anything that smells like a “springtime meadow” scent or anything but I do feel by ridding my system quickly the short term event is better than a long hanging cloud surrounding the area. There have been times I get into trouble for being so open and “honest” in this condition and some wonder how I can make jokes at those uncomfortable times. I try to see the humor in this and not be totally embarrassed and that may be the point that others try to make with my actions. I at times just wish others would have the courage to “let her rip” if...

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak? Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough in the account in the first place? Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle? Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection? Why did Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? Why do Kamikaze pilots all wear helmets? Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized since the last look? Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try? Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manages to knock something else over? In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat? And my FAVORITE...... The statistics on sanity ...

Letter to home; Dear Ma and Pa, I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. but I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route ...

A pilot discovers sumpin' wrong with his aircraft he fills out sumpin' known as a squawk list so the mechanics can fix the problems once they are known. This happens with all aircraft whether a commercial airliner, corporate aircraft, or even the training planes with a student pilot. Anyway, looking back through some old aviation items of mine I came across this compilation of actual problems and solutions from squawk lists. (P = The problem as logged by the pilot) (M = The solution and action taken by the mechanics or engineers) P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. M: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. M: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit. M: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. M: Live bugs on back-order. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute de...

I needed a laugh tonight so I thought I would post a story that has had me laughing for a while now every time I re-read it. It was written by Daniel Meyer in his "Life is a Road" series of books. Most of us call it the "Squirrel and the Motorcycle" story between the laughs but the real title was called " Neighborhood Hazard (or: Why the Cops Won’t Patrol Brice Street )" and can be found here. Now put put your drink down and enjoy: I never dreamed slowly cruising through a residential neighborhood could be so incredibly dangerous! Studies have shown that motorcycling requires more decisions per second and more sheer data processing than nearly any other common activity or sport. The reactions and accurate decision making abilities needed have been likened to the reactions of fighter pilots! The consequences of bad decisions or poor situational awareness are pretty much the same for both groups too. Occasionally, as a rider I have caught mysel...

For those of you that know me, or have been around me over the years know that I like to share with you my little special stories. Most of you know that the name Icewind = cool farts . It was better than the “Bugle Butt” name my niece gave me many years ago. I loved the t-shirt she gave me but no one would let me wear it out in public. (Disclaimer – I know that some times I tend to take the liberty of embellishing the facts in some of my stories for the humorous effect. For the record, this is as close to 100% an accurate account of such events as I can remember) Having pretty active bowels and the sounds that came from me sometimes embarrasses people in my life. One of the ways I have found over the years to keep my “noises” to a minimum is with frequent movement of my bowels. I try very hard to stay on a schedule that allows me to only go in familiar places. I mainly try to go at home and have gotten comfortable (out of necessity) to go at work but I do no...

Here's an interesting story sent to me by a friend. I thought it was funny and wanted to share it with you. Here’s the story from the person's point of view: I was getting ready for work when I looked out the window and saw the utility company starting to erect a pole in front of my house. They were going to position it directly in front of my picture window. No way, absolutely no way was I going to permit this. I gulped down my last bit of coffee and went directly to the crew supervisor and told him in no uncertain terms that I was not going to permit his crew to put that stupid electrical pole directly in front of my picture window. He took out a map for pole locations and a right of way document and explained that it is the best location for it. I told him it is not the best location for me and when I came home from work that day I did not want to find that pole in front of my window. I told him I didn't give a hoot where he put it but not in front of m...