Icewind's Ramblings

Translation guide for the clueless Women's English    =         Men’s Understanding of Women’s English Yes                       =         No No                         =        Yes Maybe                   =        No We need                =        I want . . . I am sorry             =        You'll be sorry We need to talk     =   ...

It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered a butcher shop and confronted the butcher with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it. Finally, he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. And she readily agreed. The butcher had been counting the years off on his calendar and one day the teenager who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow." "I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too. Tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get and watch the statement on her face." When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the statement on his face . . . !"...

As I enter the bathroom and lift the toilet seat I notice the intense light entering through the window projecting from the sun.   The light shines upon the toilet illuminating its presence as if it were a work of art.   As I begin to urinate I focus on the inner side of the toilet in order to decrease the amplification and splashing of my pee.   As I watch the pee enter the toilet I also notice an abundance of off-spray collecting upon the toilet’s seat underside, hinge, outer bowl sides and floor.   How disgusting I think to myself, all this pee everywhere.   From this moment on I began to wonder about all the pee from myself as well as my co-workers, glazing itself to the toilet. Cleaning and disinfecting the toilet may be one of the ickiest exercises of the home or apartment and one never knows who is cleaning these at work.   Someone must because there are new rolls of toilet paper there every morning.   For many of us, this can be quite disgu...

My best friend went through a divorce just over a year ago and at the time there is that feeling of trying to get it right with how you respond to the news. The traditional way upon hearing that word, “Divorce” is the response, “I’m so sorry” . . . But sometimes depending on the people’s circumstances divorce might just be a happy occasion . . . after all, no one hears of a happy marriage ending in divorce.  Leading up to it might have been bad for a time but it’s over now so is it a happy occasion?  Different people probably look at it from many vantage points. Here it is a year later and I am going through it after many years together and it comes with many strange and sometimes challenging expectations. I’m older now so the prospect of getting into the ‘dating’ mode comes with mixed feelings.  The mind plays strange things with one’s self . . . you see that pretty lady and the ‘ego mind’ quickly jumps on your shoulder and whispers (or shouts) in your ear . . . You...

I just wanted to say Happy Birthday to my daughter who is far from home serving in Iraq .  She was recently promoted so congratulations and hope you’re home soon! We love and miss you!   I hope you have a great day! Daddy Ice

The story continues from previous post . . . My wife learned quickly that things are not exactly as they are shown on HGTV where things are wrapped up nicely in a thirty or sixty minute television show.  They do not show the time preparing, marking lines on the walls and floor to install straight tiles or that time needed to mix the sand and mortar mixes used in the deck mud (concrete shower base) in the bottom of the shower.  With each batch there is the mixing to get the consistency of something that looks like toothpaste.  The adhesive thin set is applied to the walls and the tile itself and pushed onto the wall with a little wiggle and tap to make them stick to the wall surface.  What should happen next is the waiting time for the thin set to cure.  For us it did not happen that way for us . . . the tiles would slowly creep down below the line I had drawn to align the tiles.  This led to some heated words and a scramble to cut wood to make a ledge t...

Here is another one from my ‘working folder’. To pass the time here in The Last Frontier many people play board games or cards to make the day or night go by a little quicker. Winter time this is especially true as the many hours of darkness and the extreme cold can seem like time stands still or crawls along at a snails pace. Here is a little ditty from one of our recent games . . . Wife: There! I just added four letters to your word and covered the triple-word score. Thirty-three points! Ice: Ummm, dear . . . do you know what that word means? Wife: Don't worry, it's a word . . . I looked it up in the Scrabble dictionary. Ice: I wasn't questioning whether it's a word. I was just curious if you knew its meaning. Wife: It's one of those Italian ice creams, or something . . . right? Ice: No, that would be GELATO. FELLATIO is more like a Popsicle. Life from a ‘Northern Exposure’ . . . we always find a little l...

Is it just me or do you hate those stupid commercials that seems to come out during the holidays? One that drives me nuts is the Jared’s Jewelry Commercial. One of the actresses in it used to be in the “What Ever Happens in Vegas” commercial and her crooked smile (mouth) makes me nuts to watch her. Now she plays one of the ‘friends’ asking if Mr. Wrong has a brother. I was hoping the holiday jewelry commercial would drop off but it has continued so I will please ask, can we stop with the "He went to Jared!" Ads? Is anyone going to be that impressed that you scraped together a few bucks to blow at a mall store only because the pressure and her pregnancy got to you? A better commercial to demonstrate true love might be, "He went to planed parenthood." Or maybe just say no until after you were married. The most misnamed business ever by the way. No one goes there because they had a plan. They go there because they didn't...

Everyone needs a good laugh and today is no exception. Too much to go into right now but this was sent to me today and brought with it a smile. Maybe one will find its way to your face. To bad we cannot have commercials here like Australia with that little bit of fun. Enjoy! Ice

I needed this one after a long grueling week. This came along to brighten my day. Enjoy! It’s getting colder outside this week and the radio said that Fairbanks today was minus -15˚F this evening while I was driving home from work. It’s only October what’s up with that? Have a great weekend! Ice

Or inside the Man’s brain. We’ve had a little fun with the elections lately and I’m sure there will be a little more in the next couple of weeks. We can move on to something a little different and give you maybe a laugh or two. I wanted to give the ladies a little insight into the makeup of the male being. Today, we’ll talk about how you can train your new hubby and possibly make him more obedient. Over the years I’ve observed or had some of these techniques used to make me into the man I am today. That may be good or bad depending on your perspective I guess. The key to your success in training your boyfriend or spouse is trying to understand how . . . and if . . . his mind works, and then incorporating that information with proven training techniques. Remember this . . . although your spouse likes treats, loves it when you rub his belly, and often chases the mailman down the street . . . he is not a dog and therefore does not think or react as a dog woul...

I was talking with my boss the other day as he was just returning from the hospital where his father in law (FIL) was being treated for breathing problems. Over the weekend while he was staying with him they started to watch television where a football game was on. For about thirty minutes they sat there, mostly quiet . . . commenting only about this play or that, maybe how hard a hit one had given . . . not needing to really say anything to each other. Both were content to just be there. His sister in law stopped by and over the next two hours was constantly talking . . . or as they said . . . yapping nonstop . . . about anything. They hoped she would just watch the game but she asked questions on what was happening during the game and on so many other subjects not related to anything that was going on with his ‘FIL’, his hospital stay, family matters, or as they said anything important. I remember reading some of the book, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Ve...