Icewind’s Dreams

Lately, I have been wondering where my dreams went. I know that I had a list of them because I kept a journal while I was growing up. I remember turning 18 and compiling that list of dreams I had written over the years and having such hope in my heart. I was going to do great things. I was going to be remembered. I'm sitting here now thinking that I have fallen short in some of my goals and so I'm wondering where dreams go when they are not realized or remembered.

The journal I kept while growing up wasn't bound or beautiful. It was sheets of loose leaf paper that I'd stick in a folder and stuff under my bed or in a box when I was through writing. I carried that folder with the words of my life around with me for many years. When we would move, I'd stick the folder in a box then I'd take it back out when we would arrive wherever we were going. I guarded it with my life because it was the story of my life and I knew its value to me was real and important and worth keeping.

During one of my moves, when I was 22, I was so angry about having to start over again that I tossed it out with the trash and didn't look back. I have the ability to do that, you know. I could discard things and banish them from my mind with calculated ease back then. I do not know what this says about me, but I do know that lately, I often regret not keeping that record of my life and my list of dreams. I think mostly because I do not remember them all and I think if you have a list of dreams, the least you can do is remember what they are. Were my paper dreams the ‘score card’ of how I lived my life? Is the reality of my life far richer than the one I had imagined so long ago? Always searching . . .

Sometimes, I imagine the dreams I wrote down so carefully, strewn around a landfill somewhere. I see some pieces being carried in the wind, some probably buried, and now slowly disintegrating and disappearing into the limitless sky.

I do not think that dreams ever die. They get lost . . . they shift and change with time within us. When this happens, it takes time to accept all the things you might not ever be that you dreamed in your heart so long ago.

I’d like to think that no matter how old you are, there is reason to find the courage to risk failing in pursuit of the things you hoped for and dream about. I’d like to imagine that my dreams are still out there waiting for me in that limitless sky or on that mountaintop to find them again.

Ice

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