Sex ? . . . No it’s Moose season in Alaska

Fashion Faux Pas? Wearing Brown in Moose Season

There are several post cards here that show Moose sticking their head in a kitchen window or walking into your garage. One even shows a moose kissing some woman. You never really want that to happen as they are wild animals who just happen to take up residence in our city during the fall and winter months. Besides, moose rarely kiss, they mostly kick. And they really kick hard. From the front legs mainly, not like a jackass kicking from with the rear legs. I have seen a moose kick the door to someone’s rig (Alaskan for truck) because they were blowing the horn at a cow (female moose) and her calf (small moose). When the person left their rig and went inside the moose started kicking the doors and fenders doing some pretty good damage to it.

Moose hunting season is a BIG DEAL here in Alaska. What we sometimes have here are “minimally sane people” who just seem to lose it during moose season. And non-hunters need to be more careful than the hunters - - or sometimes even the moose. I’ve noticed that few if anyone have brown coats in Alaska. There may be a few Cheechakos’ (Alaska newcomers) who have not been here long enough to know better.

There’s a reason. Alaskans, well, a good portion of them/us anyway, seem to hunt when they are less than sober. Now my body mass is not too great but I could lose a few pounds, but unlike many other Alaskan men & women who are roughly moose sized. Pair that up with vision impairment due to liquid nourishment (some say our antifreeze) and the fact that the snowflakes here are the size of leaves and tend to fall in formation - - could equate to a brown coated man or woman of a certain size taking a chance of ending up nailed to some cabin wall as a trophy of a “true Alaskan.” The Last Frontier is full of those especially in the ‘bush’ and they wouldn’t necessarily be able to identify the brown –coated object as NOT a four footed ruminant until its sober season - - not wearing brown coats is a no brainer in winter.

Alaskans are as proud of their moose meat as Texans are of venison or a Rocky Mountain resident of their elk meat. They brag that they haven’t bought red meat in “X” number of years. They omit the fact that it’s costing them about two hundred dollars per moose steak - - but hey, the refrigeration is free as you can just put an old two or four drawer file cabinet out back in the snow and you have an instant freezer in winter.

There are even a certain number of moose permits given out each year for bow hunters - - and they may even hunt within the city limits with their bows. Could I make that up?

So if you see a guy pulling back a bow in the hunting department at Sam’s Club or the local Wal-Mart - - and you are clad in any of the earth tones - - my suggestion might be for you to . . . . . . . run ! ! ! You never know as he may be drunk enough to think it would be a warmer place to shoot his moose. Besides it saves the long walk back to his four wheeler.

Ice

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