Auto Industry meltdown

Well they (the government) has given the auto industry a few billon dollars now and so far I haven’t seen any real change here in Alaska. The new administration has put out a few new requirements on auto makers to force them to make more fuel efficient vehicles which should have happened ten to fifteen years ago. It may be that they are wasting spending our money on goofy or totally useless things.

It used to only be car commercials that went into the absurd. We have all of those Cal Worthington Ford Commercials here and on the West Coast which over the years has always been over the top or just plain annoying. Now it seems every commercial has that not so subtle message they are trying to drill into your brain.

You know what message.

You are not only making a life altering decision when you purchase your car, but you are also stating to the world (indirectly bragging) your individualism with your choice. Your life will not only be richer and better now with this purchase, people will respect you more and your neighbor’s will be jealous.

It's just a car. That's all.

It won't give you any special powers as it’s not “Knight Rider” or anything, it will just get you from point A to B. That’s it. Put all the seat warmers, DVD players and leg room you want into it, it’s not going to make you ‘Joe Cool’ because you bought it.

Besides, be realistic about your commercials and don't show me beautifully shot images of the car majestically driving along a mountain road at sunset. Show those living in the ‘Lower 48’ the car sitting in bumper to bumper traffic. Show us those bills for insurance, smog checks, gas, DMV renewal and finding a scratch when you come out of Wendy's on your door. Show us the realities of being pulled over by a cop or explaining to your friends why you don't feel comfortable loaning them your keys. Oh yeah, the Starbucks latte or mocha you spill all over the interior one morning when you hit the brakes too hard, changing a flat tire by yourself on the side of the road as a big snowplow blows past you covering you with wet snow and freezing water spray. Show me all that.

I don't know about you, but most of the driving many of us are going to do is not going to be a transcendental experience. Give us what we really need in any car . . . therapy. Listen, they already have Onstar for road emergency's, would it be that difficult to just press the button when your sitting in stop and go traffic and you are late for a job interview and get real direction?

"Hello. Welcome to Onstar. How may I help you?"

"I’m late for this interview, my car is making a funny noise and I swear if traffic doesn't start moving soon I am going to start ramming cars!"

"Tell me about your relationship with your father."

With the press of a single button road rage could be a thing of the past. I think this is why America loves the drive through window so much. Two of our favorite things coming together to insure you stay fat with the least amount of effort. It's perfect!

You spend ten minutes in the drive through lane spewing pollution while you wait for some kid who doesn't give a crap about your burger and probably will make the thing wrong anyway. Then, you speed off into the night with your music blasting, stuffing curly fries into your mouth as you try to merge onto the highway. You’re a menace!

I once saw a giant yellow Hummer pull up to a drive through menu board outside a Wendy’s. After they ordered, the Hummer started to round the tight corner and got stuck. It was awesome! Not only are the vehicles getting so large that are made in America, the idea of parking and getting out walking is next to impossible, but now our cars are getting too big to even make it around the drive through!

The Hummer backed up, lurched forward and then backed up again. They were blocked from backing out because 4 or 5 cars were behind them in line. The Hummer backed up onto the curb and into the small landscaped area around the menu board. I could see the guy inside the Hummer turning the wheel sharply before he hit the gas again. When he did this his rear bumper grabbed a corner of the ordering sign and boom! Sparks and shouts of "ohhh shit" briefly filled the air. He took out the whole sign down to the ground! The worse part, everyone behind him who hadn't ordered yet was super aggravated now that there was no loudspeaker to order! A guy in a pick up truck yelled out the window, "Now I have to go inside? Thanks a lot ass hole!"

Show us that car commercial as that is the one I want to see on television.

The one where you’re under achieving ego talked you into buying a tank that doesn't fit narrow roads like drive through lanes. Show us that. Show us the one where your friend spills a milk shake all over the inside and just giggles like a school girl being asked to her first dance who doesn’t even offer to clean up the mess.

I want to get one of those Wendy's wigs. I want to film me as I stand in a Burger King drive through and preach to the masses about the perfection of the square patty. That would be something to witness! People’s heads would either pop off laughing or I would be beaten to death! I can just see it now people would rush out of the restaurant to see what's going.

"What’s going on?"

"He went to Jared!"

(Such a stupid commercial)

Ice