Apology for 3:10 AM Transgression


I need to come clean since I pretended to be asleep last night after “The Incident”.

I would like to give you a little back story before I confess.  This past weekend was one of those times where there were multiple things going on and everyone is required to give way from the normal routines and go into that feeding frenzy mode that comes during these times.

We had the start of the Olympics with the athletic competition getting underway on Saturday.  Then add to that the happenings in Daytona with auto racing which included Danica Patrick’s debut in the Nationwide Series 300 and the running of the 52nd annual Daytona 500 NASCAR race and you have the makings of a stomach disaster.

To properly watch any of these events you have to prepare for them.  The Super Bowl has its ‘must haves’ to do it up just right.  There is always chili, hot dogs or hamburgers, nachos, and the chips & dip that set the mood for the afternoon.  Mine was no different where you add to the mix a crock pot full of Little Smoky Sausage Links with the required onions, diced celery, and BBQ sauce.

They simmered as they should and being the ‘Top Chef’ I am there was a little sampling every thirty minutes or so as they cooked.  Saturday’s fare went down nicely but set the precursor of things to come on Sunday.  I was up early for the start of the action in Daytona where the 4 hour time difference keeps one on their toes to ensure you do not miss anything.

The food was out early even as I was the only one watching the marathon that turned out to be this year’s 500 mile race.  A sample plate of this . . . some chips for that . . . a few peanut butter Reese’s Pieces along the way and the stage was set.

Fast forward to an early night of sleep and soundly cutting those zzzzz’s necessary for a good night’s rest.  Approaching three in the morning and it is quiet.  I’m sleeping soundly probably lightly snoring and my wife is zonked out after coming to bed around one AM and Gus, the dog is snuggled up to one of us trying to stay warm, on his back, feet up in the air having nice doggy dreams.

3:10 AM and my stomach must have been a mess as the gas forced its way out . . . loudly and forcibly.  I woke up but remained completely still . . . motionless hoping I did not wake anyone up.  About 15 seconds later I can hear my wife stirring . . . is she still asleep or did the noise wake her?  Is she looking to see if it was Gus or me doing the dirty deed?

Too late as the obnoxious smell made its way up from under the covers and I can now hear my wife muttering under her breath.  I can sense she is pissed as she starts fluffing the covers spreading the gas fumes throughout the room.  Again I lie there motionless hoping it would quickly pass . . . it did not.

She now is talking loudly, waving something trying to get the smell away from her making every effort to wake me up and lodge her ‘complaint’.  I knew better at the time and pretended to sleep hoping things would die down and everyone could go back to sleep.

The stench lingered and after a few minutes my wife got up and headed to another bedroom not needing a gas mask to finish her nights sleep.  Eventually Gus got up and jumped off the bed in search of anywhere else to sleep. 

I suffered through it and after about 30 minutes was able to return to the slumber I was experiencing before things “got out” of hand.  I awoke to go to work and luckily no one woke up to give me the third degree.  I escaped and had to deal with the reality later in the day when I returned home thus giving me this opportunity to apologize.

For my torn up stomach and the “blast from the past” I sincerely apologize to my wife and dog who has still looked at me funny all evening.  I cannot say it won’t happen again but hopefully not again until the Indy 500 in May.

Sorry just seems so little . . . now that the paint is blistering off the ceilings and walls after my little ‘toot’.

Ice

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