Traveling Life’s Highway – Recalculating 2.0 - One Year on the Road

Traveling Life’s Highway – Recalculating 2.0 - One Year on the Road

“. . . For this time in my life I am “Recalculating”.  I’m on a journey to maybe go back and find that other road; the one “not taken” so long ago.  In this search to adjust attitudes, latitudes, and balance, finding possibilities I will open my arms to what’s in store for me.” (Recalculating - Icewind’sRamblings blog post 4/2/2016)

I’m turning 65 today and my mama 88.  She is in Florida having surgery on her hand and I am in the mountains, laptop trying to write occasionally and power tools building things with my hands once again.

Judy, Mama, and I

It’s been a year now since I have been on the road traveling life’s highways in search of myself and the things I hold dear to my heart.  When I left Alaska I was not sure what I would find and only a proposed mini-map of where I was going.  The road had been long, winding and with several bumps that I had not anticipated when I left Anchorage on a cold and grey Sunday morning.  It has shown me a few things about myself and others that I may have not noticed or been totally aware of going about the day to day activities that demand our attention each day.

I prepared to leave at 8:00 am just after sunrise and told my best friend Scott of ten years, (who lived 60 feet away next door) of my intentions to get on the road since weather in Alaska that time of year changes by the minute.  I threw the last items in my overstuffed vehicle, cranked to warm up and waited a few minutes.  Scott did not wake up to see me off, sleeping in so I and Placido Flamingo headed out to explore some familiar and not-so-familiar places I have traveled.

I had gone through a lay off at work, a break up and needed to change my horizons and latitude. Those first eight to ten hours on the road were extremely hard realizing that leaving my home of almost twenty years was a stark reality for me.  All of the things, places, and friends in that time there were in my rear view mirror now.  It was a quiet reflective ride mostly out of cell service with only my music to keep my mind off things.

Music works itself into all parts of your life if you listen, songs are embedded in your brain and attaches itself to an event, someone in your life, or and activity and when replayed it can sometimes burst the dam of emotions stored up.  These are those times when no one is around, only your thoughts and the road and in Alaska the sight of moose or caribou along the way.

I drove about fifteen hours that first day from Anchorage, Alaska to Whitehorse, Yukon passing many beautiful places.  They are the post card shots of Alaska on the road system, glaciers, mountains, waterfalls, lakes, and ponds many with wildlife for that one in a lifetime great photo shot or feeling.  Alaska has many of those once in a lifetime moments or places to visit if you get outside, sometimes off the road system to see what this wonderful American place is all about.

I’ve always believed that things happen for a reason and what was set in motion at the time of my departure I had no idea the impact it would have on my life and that of my family.  The second morning on the road tragedy struck.  I have asked myself what brought me to that time and space to be there at that exact moment in our universe.  Once again it could have been me, a second or two faster that morning and the results might have been a lot different, setting into motion a totally different future for me, family and others.  Life changes in an instant. (Icewind's Ramblings Blog post 4/12/2016)

I spent several days wandering through Canada along the Alcan Highway and other lesser known and traveled roads through wondrous scenery and landscapes horizon to horizon.  I stopped for a couple weeks at my friend Russ and Rose’s house on the island and we talked, walked, and had a pint or two discussing life’s ways and exploring different vantage points, both in life and in the wonderful area he lives.

Russ, Placido Flamingo, and I

We fished, had fellowship and I had a great time with them before heading south once again.  What started as an online gaming friendship turned into a real life best friend of almost fifteen years now?  Thanks mate for your friendship, words and advice over the years it has meant a lot.

I spent several months around Portland, Oregon staying with friends, Jan and Nate who renewed my appreciation of working with my hands once again demo and rebuilding their deck. 

Jan and Nate's New Deck

We did Sunday outings to their bee boxes checking on things and spent time at their bar, The Whistle Stop Café close to Mt. Hood.  It was great being around you guys and meeting all of your friends.  While there I was able to spend time with other friends I know, Colin and Donna-Lee whom I have vacationed with in Mexico and known for many years.  It was wonderful hanging out and doing the wine tastings and other adventures together. 

D., Donna-Lee, and Colin

I was able to also see Mark and Brenda and listening to his music as he played several venues while I was in town.  Placido made his appearance too!

What was looking like a promising summer quickly changed for our family in July as Doug my sister’s husband and one of my lifelong best friends died suddenly over the holiday weekend setting into motion my leaving Oregon to be with my sister and family during this difficult time.  Like what was going on at the time I left Portland on a cold rainy morning heading once again to places unknown with the ultimate destination of my sister’s house in several weeks.

The drive would take me through National Parks, State Parks and Coastal Highways winding its way through my consciousness, a thought provoking silent drive time by myself. 

Pacific Coast Highway

I met some wonderful people along the way, much like my friend Mark who journeys far and near on his motorcycle, never having met a stranger.  Those encounters and unexpected meetings are good for the soul and gives you hope in an America that once was a kinder, gentler place.  The sights, the senses filled with beauty a renewed awareness of what is around me in my travels and in my actions with others along the way.    

In my mind I probably thought I would be the last person to help out family, after all I had been away from Atlanta and family since 1995 with trips home a few times over the years.  One trip was when Doug had heart surgery and at the same time mama had surgery in Florida making a trip to both places to ease everyone through the tough time.  That could have been a precursor of things to come, who knows.  Things beyond me were set in motion for me to arrive to be there for everyone.  We first lost Doug’s brother Tony to cancer, then Doug to a heart attack. Within a few months my uncle Boe passed followed 13 days later by his wife, my aunt Doris.  Mama had another stroke and is doing well then not long ago my niece’s husband lost his sixteen year old son so it has been a difficult time for everyone.  We are a Southern strong family and continue to get up each day and make choices to continue to live and help others around us.  Be positive even when it may not be the easiest thing to do.

I learned a few things during this time on Life’s highway this last year that I will share:

1. I stopped being so self-centered.  I think we all have the tendency to put ourselves at the center of the universe, and see everything from the viewpoint of how it affects us.  This can have all kinds of effects, feeling sorry for ourselves when things aren’t going exactly as we’d like, to doubting ourselves when we aren’t perfect.  So instead of worrying so much about myself, I thought about other people I might help.  Finding small ways to help others gets me out of my self-centered thinking.  I’m starting to think about what others need.  I do not doubt myself, because the question of whether I’m good enough or not is not the central question anymore. The central question is what others may need.  So thinking about others instead of myself helps me be better and do better in how I view my life and relate to others within it.

2. I loosened my identity.  We all have this picture of ourselves, this idea of what kind of person we are.  When this idea gets threatened, we can react very defensively.  My identity of myself as someone who is motivated and productive who has good ideas and so forth . . . was getting in the way of my thought process and belief system.  When I wasn’t productive, it made me somewhat despaired because then I was worried I wasn’t who I thought I was.  My solution was to realize that I’m not one thing.  I do not always have to be productive — most times I am, but sometimes I’m not and that’s ok.  I try to always be motivated — I am because it is a choice I make each morning regardless where the day takes me.  I don’t always have good ideas but at least I try to.  I do not sit on the sidelines waiting for things to happen to me instead going forward to make positive things happen around me.  I can be many things, and so this identity of mine becomes less fragile, more flexible in my way of thinking about things.  Then it doesn’t matter so much what others think, a gift from my mama in how to view things.  I make mistakes (we all do), I am less than perfect. And that’s perfectly OK.

3. I remembered that this day counts.  I only have so many days left on earth.  I don’t know how many that is, but I do know it’s a very limited number.  I know that each one of those limited days is a gift, a blessing, a miracle.  And that squandering this miracle is a crime, a horrible lack of appreciation for what I’ve been given.  In the Zac Brown Band song, “Day that I Die” it states: “And as time goes by, it's funny how time can make you realize, we're running out of it.  On the day that I die, I wanna say that I was a man who really lived and never compromised.”   And so, I reminded myself this morning and every morning that this day counts.  That doesn’t mean I need to work myself into the ground, type until my fingers are mere nubs, but that I should do something worthwhile each day. Sometimes taking a break to nourish your soul is a worthwhile activity, because that allows you to do other worthwhile things.  Some just sit around in self-pity which isn’t helpful so get up and do something every day to better your life and others around you.

4. I created movement.  It can be hard to get moving when you are stuck.  This is how I feel sometimes when I cannot write, when I couldn’t change any of my habits.  It was really hard to motivate myself when the words or concept will not become clear to me.  But I took one small step, and it felt good.  That’s what I did this morning — I took the smallest possible step.  Just opening up a document, just starting a list of what I wanted to say today, just getting out a notebook.  These are so small as to be insignificant, and yet so easy as to be possible.  And it showed me the next step was possible, and the next.

5. Friends are a treasured thing! Friends far and near mean more than one can ever imagine.  They are there on sleepless nights when they reach out to see how you are doing. With social media there is the constant “in touch” feel across the miles as people go about their lives and staying a part of it even though you may not see each other.  Friends are the beautiful nuggets, pure gold that reminds us that we are all in this together and making it a better place it what counts in the end.  “Old Friends”,

Thank you each and every one for the birthday texts and messages, the well wishes for another year passing and the future to come.

Ice