Itchy Butt or Public Butt Scratching


I’ve had this one tucked away for many months now debating when to post it as I have moved away from some of my earlier funny but questionable musings.  But I do feel it is a subject that many experience but may never have thought to ask . . . Well that’s why I am here to help . . . your itchy butt expert who took two years of research without any government grants to give you this insightful information.

Have you ever needed to scratch your butt in public but there were too many witnesses?  Well I have a solution for you for just about any situation.



Icewind’s Guide on “How to Scratch your Butt in Public (without unwanted stares)”.

1. The Wall Approach - Slowly back-up towards the closest wall possible. Then, take desired hand & move it towards the itchy buttocks.  Scratch uncontrollably, until its better.

2. The Pants Approach - “The Back Pocket” carefully reach into the back pocket of your pants.  Slowly itch the desired cheek and act like you can not find the item.

3. The Pants Approach - “Pull up your Pants” in hope that when you fixed your pants this will self-itch as you are pulling up and down on your pants.

4. The Tree Approach - Back up to the nearest tree and ‘take a rest’ and sit down while placing the desired butt against alleged tree.  Slowly, stand back up while continuously keeping butt on tree.

5. The Chair Approach - Slowly walk to the nearest chair or bench and pretend you are just taking a rest.  Slowly wiggle or slide down your chair like you’re sliding out of your seat.  Then slowly slide back up into your chair. Just pretend it was all an accident.

6. The Random Object Approach - Take a small object like a pencil or maybe your wallet or purse and brush it up against your behind.  This will just look like you are holding an object in your hand.

7. The Brush Approach - For people with really long hair, you can start to brush your hair, and use your comb to scratch your butt when you get that low.

8. The Potty Approach - You may feel unconformable scratching your butt in public view so you can always run to the nearest bathroom and scratch your butt there.  Face it you’re a wimp.

9. The Free Approach - You know what?!  Who cares anymore?  Just scratch your buttocks freely whenever and wherever you want.  You really don’t care anymore if anyone looks at you because you will never see them again.

10. The Tin Cup Approach – Just like Roy “Tin Cup” McAvoy . . . Grip it and Rip it!

Don’t you feel better now knowing the itchy options available to you?  Use sparingly so people won’t think you are enjoying it too much!

Ice

Comments

JeanMac said…
Oh my gosh, I needed the laugh and very practical suggestions. Baseball player seem to have no qualms about fixing their itch on MLB:)
6:34 AM
Icewind said…
It's not just Baseball Jean, it seems to be everywhere.

Welcome back!

Ice
8:59 PM
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