Late Winter/Early Spring in Alaska 2013
It’s getting to be that time again . . . Wacky Winter . . . when
Chicken Little’s prediction finally comes true: “The sky is falling.”
Winter has long been here in Alaska , and the darkness with it. As we once again approach summer and finally
moved into “Springtime” in Anchorage we are gaining approximately 5 minutes and
44 seconds of daylight every day until Summer Solstice on June 20th @
9:04 PM Alaska time.
For most people it may seem strange to hear “springtime” as
barely having temperatures just above freezing still in the thirties or if we
are lucky reaching the low 40’s for a few days.
Anything to help melting commence and get breakup out of the way is
desired by everyone it seems.
How one handles this time of year makes or breaks many
people who live here. It is a wondrous
place to live . . . most of the time but it does wear on you in the late stages
of winter when you want the snow gone, light to return, and the “heat” of
summer to once again to return.
What are we to do? Move
away? Lock, stock, and Igloo? Pack up our bathing suits and the women their
small bikinis (or, in some cases, orthopedic swimwear of the large kind). Put the snow plow on the front of your
four-wheel drive, and as soon as someone says, “What is that thing?” you know
that you’ve reached a warmer territory and can stop and buy a house.
If that is not an option, then make a list of the things
that didn’t work out so well in the depths of last winter’s dark days. Don’t have a list ready yet or have you
forgotten all of the little things that drove you nuts? Use mine as I think I have my list around here
somewhere . . .
*It is a good idea to put your scissors in a safe-deposit
box at the bank. For some reason, after
many weeks of long, dark evenings women tend to wonder what she will look like
with bangs, or short layers, or even a crew cut. This always goes in the “doesn’t work out
well” column.
*If you own a gun, place that in the safe-deposit box, too. It usually becomes the means of scientific
experiments, usually a week or two after the winter solstice. If one blows a nice-sized hole in the
refrigerator, one can finally determine if the little light stays on or goes
off when the door is closed.
*Buy some sand. Get a
beach umbrella, kiddie pails and shovels and a beach ball; paint a sun on your
bathroom ceiling and make a fake palm tree. Paint the inside of your bathtub blue and
throw in some plastic fish. Wear your
bathing suit and crank up all of your Jimmy Buffett Cd’s. All of us old parrotheads have to stick
together. At first you will be
ridiculed. Then you’ll wish your gun wasn’t
in the safe-deposit box so you could get the neighbors out of your tub.
*Get one of those S.A.D. lights that make you happy . . . they’re
kind of like a grow light for people. In
fact, get a grow light and some plants too. Stock up on bulbs for both apparatuses. But make sure you put the right bulb in the
right light. Last year my violets were
stunted, but they were okay with that at least that is what they told me. I was cranky and having erotic thoughts about
philodendrons. For those in the Lower
48, S.A.D. is Seasonal Affective Disorder, a type of depression that occurs at the
same time every year due to lack of light.
*Get used to the endless moving around of furniture that the
women tend to do in the winter time. You
come back home from work or an out of town trip and suddenly you see everything
is moved around the room or has been picked up by Goodwill or the Bishop’s
Attic. We are just into March with the close
of winter settling in and so far without a wife to change things up this winter
my house was only changed around two times so far . . . and that didn’t last
more than a day or two.
They are predicting a slow late winter snowstorm for later
today, tonight, and tomorrow and with it possibly 14” to 24” of snow . . . in
late March no less so I feel like it is time to put on my snowsuit and crawl
inside the refrigerator for awhile and just see what really happens with the
light when the door is closed.
Comments