Drafting Men over 60
Drafting
Men over Sixty
It
is raining here this morning so as usual my mind wanders a bit early in the
morning. Luckily I do not get “live”
television here so I do not have to sit through all the bad news going on in
the world every day. If I want news I
can get reruns “On Demand” which is another way of saying its old news by
now. I have seen news that my old
stomping grounds in Kodiak, Alaska had another large earthquake around 8.0
which I’m sure shook things up. I
remember the last big one I experienced there was about a 7.6 which was close
to Kenai which happened around one in the morning. Had just gotten into bed and the shaking
started and continued for almost a minute letting you know it was a major one
close by and shallow too. It was pretty
wild.
Anyway,
I have seen some of the new lately and the war on terrorism continues which got
my mind to thinking about this situation and I came up with this after a few
Bailey’s coffees this morning.
I am over 60
and the Armed Forces think I’m too old to track down terrorists.
You can’t be
older than 42 to join the military, (who knew). They’ve got the whole thing ass-backwards in
my opinion. When I was in the service we
were all so young and really had no life experience at that point. It was all guts and stupidity that we
survived things. Instead of sending
18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn’t be able to join a military unit
until you’re at least 35.
For starters:
Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds.
Old guys only
think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional
seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys
haven’t lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous
soldier. “My back hurts! I can’t sleep, I’m tired and hungry.”
We are
impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it,
will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.
Most 18-year-olds
don’t even like to get up before 10 a.m.
Old guys
always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, ‘I’m tired and can’t
sleep and since I’m already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical
son-of-a-bitch.
If captured we
couldn’t spill the beans because we’d forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would
be a real brainteaser for most of us old farts!
Boot camp
would be easier for old guys. As most of us are or were married,
we’re used to getting screamed and yelled at, and we’re used to soft food. We’ve also developed an appreciation for guns.
We’ve been using them for years as an
excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.
They could
lighten up on the obstacle course however. I’ve been in combat and didn’t
see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do
any pushups after completing basic training.
Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I’ve never seen anyone outrun a bullet.
An 18-year-old
has the whole world ahead of him. He’s
still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn’t figured out that a baseball
cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head. For those not in the military some have
problems putting on pants with their belt below their ass, what is that all
about?
These are all
great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before
sending them off into harm’s way. I know
at a young age all my thought processes and innocence changed, hopefully for
the better but it came with its own problems too.
Let us old
guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a
couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who
know that their best years are already behind them.
How about
recruiting women over 50 . . . in menopause! You think men have attitudes
Ohhhhhh my goodness, you ain’t seen nothing yet!
I’m done.
Ice
Comments