Drafting Men over 60

Drafting Men over Sixty

It is raining here this morning so as usual my mind wanders a bit early in the morning.  Luckily I do not get “live” television here so I do not have to sit through all the bad news going on in the world every day.  If I want news I can get reruns “On Demand” which is another way of saying its old news by now.  I have seen news that my old stomping grounds in Kodiak, Alaska had another large earthquake around 8.0 which I’m sure shook things up.  I remember the last big one I experienced there was about a 7.6 which was close to Kenai which happened around one in the morning.  Had just gotten into bed and the shaking started and continued for almost a minute letting you know it was a major one close by and shallow too.  It was pretty wild.

Anyway, I have seen some of the new lately and the war on terrorism continues which got my mind to thinking about this situation and I came up with this after a few Bailey’s coffees this morning.


I am over 60 and the Armed Forces think I’m too old to track down terrorists.
You can’t be older than 42 to join the military, (who knew).  They’ve got the whole thing ass-backwards in my opinion.  When I was in the service we were all so young and really had no life experience at that point.  It was all guts and stupidity that we survived things.  Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys.  You shouldn’t be able to join a military unit until you’re at least 35.
For starters: Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds.
Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven’t lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier.  “My back hurts!  I can’t sleep, I’m tired and hungry.”
We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it, will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.
Most 18-year-olds don’t even like to get up before 10 a.m.
Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell.  Besides, like I said, ‘I’m tired and can’t sleep and since I’m already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.
If captured we couldn’t spill the beans because we’d forget where we put them.  In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser for most of us old farts!
Boot camp would be easier for old guys.  As most of us are or were married, we’re used to getting screamed and yelled at, and we’re used to soft food.  We’ve also developed an appreciation for guns.  We’ve been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.
They could lighten up on the obstacle course however.  I’ve been in combat and didn’t see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.  Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too.  I’ve never seen anyone outrun a bullet.
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him.  He’s still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl.  He still hasn’t figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.  For those not in the military some have problems putting on pants with their belt below their ass, what is that all about?
These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm’s way.  I know at a young age all my thought processes and innocence changed, hopefully for the better but it came with its own problems too.
Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists.  The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.
How about recruiting women over 50 . . . in menopause!  You think men have attitudes Ohhhhhh my goodness, you ain’t seen nothing yet!
I’m done.
Ice

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