I'm so tired . . . I can't even lift my leg to pee. Iditarod Parody


Iditarod 38 has a new 4 time winner who has won consecutively the last four years . . . Lance Mackey a never before feat of endurance and dog handling with a never tiring pack of champion dogs.  It is after all, The Iditarod.

 
Lance arrived in Nome, Alaska this afternoon with the races second fastest time at 2:59 pm . . . arriving just under 9 days from the start in Anchorage.

With true grit and determination after a ‘comment’ by 4 time champion Jeff King just after the halfway point gave added incentive for Mackey to push hard to take the lead and not look back.

 
Winner’s podium under the burled arch on Front Street in Nome with Rev, Mackey, and Maple.

Here’s a fun reprint from The Washington Post of a Norman Chad parody of the Iditarod from the four legged viewpoint.  It’s a funny read . . .


Couch Slouch checks in on the Iditarod, and its canine correspondent

By NORMAN CHAD
Monday, March 15, 2010

The Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race -- often called "The Last Great Race on Earth," with 71 man-and-man's- best-friend groups trekking across Alaska -- is near its conclusion. Tuffy the Snow Prince, the outspoken 55-pound Siberian husky on musher Spoons Grabilovitch's sled team, again agreed to keep a daily log for us. Here are excerpts of Tuffy's Iditarod journal:

Day 1: I always skip the "ceremonial start" in Anchorage -- it's just a dog-and-pony show and we've got no ponies. . . . Prize money's down this year, but you won't see even crocodile tears coming out of my eyes, because we still get nothing. . . . Last time I went to the vet, I complained of lower back pain. His advice? "Walk it off." . . .

If Sarah Palin's right, we should be in Russia by Thursday.

Day 2: They've got some Jamaican musher up here for the first time. Now that's what I call an underdog. . . . There's also a Scottish entrant this year and he's wearing a kilt. Kilts are fine -- if you're in Applebee's. WE'RE IN SUBFREEZING TEMPS out here . . . How do they think I'm going to have time to Tweet during this thing? . . . Last year was my worst Iditarod ever -- I had IBS and forgot my iPod. . . .

Nothing worse than an angry moose predawn.

Day 3: Three-time defending champion Lance Mackey's brother Rick also won an Iditarod, as did their father Dick. Archie Manning never won a Super Bowl, did he? . . . I'm a little concerned -- I heard they're adding a halfpipe to the trail. . . . My favorite cough drops? Ricola! . . . I heard the Japanese sled had trouble with unexpected acceleration. . . .

Crap! I forgot to fill out my brackets before I left.

Day 4: You know what kills me? Some frat boy plays Iditarod on Wii and thinks he can hack it out here. . . . We had no visibility today -- I couldn't even see Yukon Pete's butt hole in front of me. . . . It's about time they tested the mushers for drugs -- we're not the ones with Walgreen cards. . . . I'm suffering from dehydration, diarrhea and exhaustion, but -- as we like to say -- at least I've got my health.

Would it have killed them to put one stinkin' husky in "Avatar?"

Day 5: It's tough sledding out here for all of us, but I'll still take the Iditarod Trail over I-95 any day of the week. . . . I hate it when they have us run at night -- let's see how much Bode Miller likes skiing downhill after dark. . . . Midway through the '85 race, my Uncle Dmitri ran away and joined the circus. Who could blame him? . . .

Like an idiot, I didn't bring a nail clipper.

Day 6: I want to soak my poor, aching paws every evening, but in these parts, a bucket of hot water turns into a bucket of ice in a Wasilla minute. . . . I love the windswept coast. There's a little Samoyed with whom I've shacked up for years in Unalakleet. . . . Man, I'm famished here. What is this, Yom Kippur for dogs? . . .

You can have the Pacific Ocean, I'm a Bering Sea boy.

Day 7: I can't prove it, but I think one of the dogs on Jeff King's team is wearing a wire for the ASPCA. . . . Every musher has some heart-rending story; heaven forbid they ever interview a dog. . . . Where's that global warming? I'm dyin' to go for a swim. . . . I hope my lawyer gets me a cut of the Iditarod-on-PlayStation revenue. . . . I hate it when we stop in Rohn.
Absolutely nothing to do here. . . .

They never enforce the no-barking-after-midnight rule.

Day 8: I'll tell you what easy living is -- being one of those Dalmatians working with a fire engine company. . . . I hate to admit my mom was right, but now I know the value of a high school diploma. . . . No TV coverage this year? We're tailor-made for tape delay on NBC. . . . When morale lags, Spoons always has us watch "Snow Dogs" on DVD before turning in. . . .

I'm so tired, I can't even lift my leg to pee.


(Lance’s Dog Chucko)

Note: All photos by Bob Hallinen with Anchorage Daily News (ADN.Com)

Thanks for another great year of Iditarod with more musher’s still on the trail as we wait to see who gets the Red Lantern Award.

Ice

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