Time Once again for more “Only in Alaska” Humor

The days are getting shorter now and winters on the way, there’s whispering on the winds telling us it’s that time to pray.  Pray for a quick winter and a return to our beloved summers.

We are almost at that time when the frost is on the windshields of vehicles not tucked away in a garage and the time to return to using the auto-start on your rig to warm it up before you get in for that drive to work.  I originally came from the South and I have been surprised that no one there has started selling vehicle auto-starters for the use in summer to cool their vehicle before getting into them in the near 100 degree heat.  Could do well there I bet with a little promotion.  Not I mind you as I could not take the heat full time unless I was on one of the tropical islands somewhere with a drink in hand.

 Jeff Foxworthy made famous the “You might be a Redneck” jokes and along those same lines we have our share of Alaskan humor that is a little different than the rest of the country or what we refer to as the “Lower 48”.

Only in Alaska does the term “Have you been Outside?” refer to your travel habits rather than walking out your front door  (“Outside” is anywhere that isn’t Alaska — most commonly referring to the lower forty-eight.)

Only in Alaska would moose poop be jewelry.  Pecan-sized nuggets of crap are varnished & made into ring, bangles, and even poo-pourri.  Yes, I spelled it correctly, and I swear I’m not making this up.  You can find a recipe for jellied moose nose here, and get a permit to hunt moose with bow and arrow within the city limits.

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice & sitting there all day hoping that food will swim by, you might live in Alaska.

If you have ever refused to buy something because it’s “too spendy” you probably live in Alaska. (Absolutely, & at Value Village no less)

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Soldotna, Alaska. (Anchorage finally has two DQ’s now as it was only 2-1/2 hours to get to Soldotna for that Peanut Buster Parfait)

If someone in a store offers you assistance, & they don’t work there, you live in Alaska. (It happens)

If the guy’s suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you Do live in Alaska.

If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Alaska.

If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Alaska (You have no idea how true that is and sometimes on the same block, lol)

If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Alaska. (I have even done this, several times.)

You measure distance in hours. (Is there any other way?)

You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching. (Yes stupidity reigns here)

You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings)

You design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. (It's COLD in October and usually snow has already fallen several times!)

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow. (It may be icy, but it's smooth ice)

Only in Alaska is a junked car parked in the front yard used as an extra freezer.

Only in Alaska is Sourdough not bread.  It’s non-native, Alaskan’s who’s been in Alaska so long we forget we really weren’t indigenous.

You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.  We are coming out of road construction now and it is legal to put on those snow tires once again.

And to close out since winter is coming . . . a nice little recipe from my “Alaska Roadkill Recipe Book”.  This will warm you up on a cold winter day or is nice for those fall football tailgate parties.

The Alaska Range Road Kill Chili Recipe . . .

Tailgating Fixin’s for that Cold Winter Day:

2 Pounds Highway Hamburger (Fresh Caribou Road kill)

One 15oz can tomato sauce

One 14oz can petite diced tomatoes

Two Table spoons of “Mad Jack’s Alaskan Road Kill Chili Spice Mix"

DIRECTIONS:

Brown Highway Hamburger in medium pot.  Drain grease & any gravel.  Add one 15 ounce can tomato paste and stir into meat.  Add one 14 oz can petite diced tomatoes and stir slowly.  Add two tablespoons "Mad Jack’s Alaskan Chili Spice Mix", stir wildly for one minute.  Simmer for thirty minutes. 

After 30 minutes, taste chili.  You should have a hearty beefy smoky flavor with about a 3 alarm bite.  After tasting decide if you need beans or other ingredients. 

I now use this recipe for my basic competition chili & I add beans to this recipe for our Give-Away chili at Cook offs.

One drawback to this recipe after eating . . . Icewind’s Revenge 

Use Caution.

Ice