Anger Management
With the holiday season upon us and tempers flaring up at any time I thought this might be a great time to bring up a subject we can all work on to relieve the pressures of everyday living.
Occasionally you have a really bad day, and you just need to release some of the anger and frustration that was building all day. Don't take it out on your best friend or someone “you know”, please do the smart and sensible thing and take it out on someone “you don't know”. You owe it to your friends to make someone else miserable.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."
I politely said, "This is Icewind. Could I please speak with Robyn Carver?"
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f**in number!" and the phone was slammed down on me.
I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.
While talking with Robyn I sat there thinking about this other person and how rudely I had been treated. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the “wrong” number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled “You’re an asshole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole next to it, and put it in my phone list.
Every couple of weeks, when I was having a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!"
It has always cheered me up and says something about anger management.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic "asshole calling" would have to stop.
So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from ACS. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"
He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole so we won’t tell you about it either!"
This had gone on for several months and one day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.
Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me and kept walking into the store.
I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window which included his phone number, so I wrote down the number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had put his number on speed dial) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
"Yes, it is", he said.
"Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.
"Yes, I live at
"What's your name?" I asked.
"My name is Don Hamilton," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes, please do?"
"Don, you're an asshole!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.
Now, when I have a bad day or a problem, I have two assholes to call. Then I came up with an idea. The beauty of this was a stroke of genius.
I called Asshole #1.
"Hello."
"You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hamilton."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"Asshole, I live at
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.
Then I called Asshole #2. "Hello?" he said.
"Hello, asshole," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Muldoon. I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter and a news crew.
NOW I feel much better.
Anger management really works. . .
Try it sometimes.
Ice
Employee Christmas Party MEMO
December 18...To All Employees
Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member of Alcoholics
Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, I'm happy to accommodate
your request but please remember that if I put a sign on the table that
reads "AA Only" you won't be anonymous any more.
In addition, we'll no longer be having a gift exchange because union
members feel that $10 is too much money.
Patti Lewis, Human Resources Director
Ice
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