Rant or Humor . . . you decide.

After last night’s rant I thought I would share a little ditty that hopefully will bring a smile.

OK, I know it’s been a little while since I posted one of those wonderful (at least to me) stories from real life . . .

Many may not be like me to revel in the fact that the human experience is one of those funny things that can bring a smile to someone’s face. That trying day or night is why we spend time sharing stories so we can make people laugh or smile when they may not feel like it.

My house lately has been one of those places where it is hard to find that private place to get away from all of the people in the household. It has been a full house with my father in law in town the last couple of weeks and my brother in law in from his work rotation out on Shemya Island. My son and his daughter are around as well as my wife so needless to say it has been hard to find a quiet place.

One of the few places that I can spend ‘alone’ with a house full of people is my early morning time getting ready for work. Everyone is still asleep so I can grab a shower and shave. I think that most everyone farts in the shower from time to time so I couldn’t resist telling this story.

I’m in the shower yesterday morning and I’m really tired. I did not sleep well the last few days so I was enjoying the whole hygiene thing with the steam rising from the shower and covering the mirror. It had been about ten minutes which is a long shower for me as I tend to get in do my routine and out in just a few minutes. Everything’s pretty steamy and as I pick up my shampoo bottle, I feel something coming on; something momentous from the night before . . . probably that pizza we had and I could tell this was something special. At this point I’m still really tired and I am standing there trying to recall my dreams from last night when suddenly I feel my sphincter getting all stoked, because I haven’t farted in hours.

I know this fart’s going to be a pretty good one so I put my butt cheeks up against the shower wall, to . . . I’m not really sure . . . maybe to muffle or possibly maximize the noise. Out of nowhere, the most memorable and victorious fart rockets onto the bathroom wall, sending everything around me into a minor tremor. It was like the beginning shaking of one of our earthquakes or that riff of that Powerline song from “A Goofy Movie”. I guarantee that several in my house woke up wondering what was going on and whether it was safe to go back to sleep. The stench was a combination of Slim Jims with a slight whiff of sulfur mixed in, and I quickly sensed that it instantly occupied the humid air of the bathroom and was now absorbing into my skin, causing me to tighten up and prune a little.

I climbed out of the shower, knowing that I would have to wait a few minutes so I could come back and wash my hair. Hopefully that sweet scent that my wife uses will cut through the smell so everyone I come into contact will not look and think . . . what is that?

Ok, how about a little smile?

Ice

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