Hump Day

Wednesday is Hump Day where your brain tries to fool itself that the week is almost over. It may be the idea that the last part of the week will be easier than the first half. After several long hard weeks it crept into my brain this afternoon. Sometimes it feels like the world is trying to show its dominance over me by humping my leg like an oversexed German Sheppard.

I came home this evening and the dog that my wife brought into the house after I lost Levi earlier this year was there eagerly waiting my arrival. A little history about this dog . . . Gus as I named him, was asked to give him his name to help me get over the anger of bringing another animal (dog) into the house. I thought about it for a bit and decided on naming him after a character from one of my favorite series, Lonesome Dove. Robert Duvall played Captain Augustus “Gus” McCrea a true cowboy and a romantic figure whose happy-go-lucky nature and good fortune with women and prostitutes, especially Lorena Wood (Diane Lane), prohibits him from doing much real work around the ranch.

Now this Gus has some of those traits . . . happy-go-lucky . . . good natured and at times seems to have a way with several stuffed animals around the house. Now I wouldn’t call them prostitutes but they all lie around the house waiting for a “poke” as ole ‘Gus’ used to say from this goofy dog named Gus.

Actually that raises an interesting point right there. Have you ever actually seen two dogs have sex? First of all it's disturbing and at times disgusting, but also it's hilarious. Usually it's almost never two dogs of roughly the same size . . . No it's always this Rosie O' Donnell sized mammoth of a dog humping the ever living lights out of a Olsen twin sized one. But beyond that, the one doing the heavy thrusting usually always has the audacity to lose interest half way through and starts to look bored. You can almost see him pantomime looking at his watch to check the time, it is ridiculous.

But that is exactly how I feel the universe has been getting to me lately. So I just want the universe to know that yes, I get it. You are the alpha male I don't need you to dry hump my leg or pee on me to mark your territory. I get it, you are in total control. My life saving thing is that I will decide if I have a bad day, or an amazing day. It is all up to me to choose which way I feel the weight of the world or let it roll off me like a duck in water.

Watching Gus tonight brought both laughter and some concern to my wife. I on the other hand just thought it funny with no real concern to what was “seemingly” happening. In case you don't know, dogs hump. But the funny thing is, it's not just un-fixed male dogs and for that matter, it's not just male dogs. Dogs have found that in order to create a chain of command, they have to usurp power over another dog or possibly a person. Basically, they have to show dominance . . . or be dominated. I'm sort of like Bob Barker . . . as I believe in spaying and neutering our animals. Biologically, my dogs shouldn't have the desire or willingness to hump. However, they all still do. It has to be in their biology, to hump or be humped, that is the question.

So I started thinking . . . which can sometimes lead to not so great things or ideas to write about in this Blog. I realized that as humans we really lack a real way to show dominance over another human. Some may do it with money, some with intelligence, and for some stupid people who use brute strength to control other people. Why not do it the way dog's do it . . . and hump??

We have watched or dealt with Gus’s horniness lately because it was well contained inside of the home. No one knew that behind his little furry face that housed the sweetest, loving eyes and mischievous grin, he actually was Ron Jeremy to the stuffed animals around the house. I swear I found a few of them hiding . . . fearing the way Gus casually tossed the others to the side after he had had their way with them.

Tonight was different though. Tonight after Gus’s little ‘poke’ he stood over his “mate” and remained motionless . . . seemingly “locked” in position as if it were with another real dog. Is that instinct that kept him locked in place . . . looking around to see who was watching, panting with those shaky legs straining so hard to hold his little body up over the stuffed dog?

Now I was starting to have fun with this and decided it was a perfect “Kodak” moment and off I ran to get my camera for a few pictures. Gus stayed locked up in that position for over ten minutes and never moved except that thing he was doing . . .

Ice