Icewind's Ramblings

Today was really busy as I put my wife on a plane to go south out of the cold and darkness to the warmth and sun of Hawaii for a convention. No time to really write anything today so here's a joke that was sent me by a friend here in Alaska . An older lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one. Officer: Don't have one? Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving. Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. Older Woman: I can't do that either. Officer: Why not? Older Woman: I stole this car. Officer: Stole it? Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. Officer: You what? Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. The Officer looks at the ...

This is not really a “dirty” story, but an agricultural story! There was this farmer is South Georgia who had a couple of prized pigs. He had won several ribbons for his sows at the state fair for several years in a row. He wanted to pass on those fine qualities so he called his neighbor who had a fine boar to mate them with. His neighbor told him to load his pigs into his truck and bring them over to his farm and put them all in a pen together. The farmer told his wife he would be back a little later that he was taking his sows over to his neighbors. He arrived, unloaded his pigs and off they went into the pen with the wild boar name “Big Jake”. Later on the pigs all got together and there was a grunting going on that could be heard from about a mile away. After “Big Jake” had his way with the sows the two farmers loaded the pigs back into the truck to go back home and asked his friend, “How will I know if this took and my sows will be pre...

I am wondering when we will get back to the days of normal sunlight. We are into our Horizon Sun period of the year. The sun rises and never gets mo re than about 2 inches about the horizon staying in a flat arc across the sky. This is the road less traveled looking down my "street" (gravel road) over Thanksgiving. We had a good bit of snowfall in that time period but it has been unusually dry and hardly any snow since (less than 4"-6"). It has been a busy week at work so I think I will sit back and have a nice glass of my favorite, Guinness. Cheers everyone! And I guess for those that have cats around, don't forget to let them finish that last drop in the glass. Here Kitty Kitty, Here Kitty Kitty, Now I see why he never comes when called. Cheers! Don't forget your sun glasses when driving into the Horizon Sun! Ice

I am reminded tonight of a story I have heard many times over the years that usually was towards the end of a seminar and was told to make a point. I first heard this story as a small boy who enjoyed Aesop fables and the story was told a little differently then. There once was a little bird in the northland that enjoyed the warmth of summer. He chirped happily and eagerly ate as winter was approaching. The little bird prepared for his migration flight south. Pretty soon, the weather turned bad, got colder, and eventually started to snow. The little bird’s wings started to freeze up and nearly frozen glided into a large field. It continued to snow and now the bird was shivering trying to stay warm. A cow was standing close by and asked why he did not fly south for winter. The little bird said he thought it was so beautiful and nice where he was that he decided to stay and not make the long flight to stay in the warmer weather. The little bird had...

I received this one from a friend in Atlanta and tonight I did not have a lot of free time so I thought I would post this for your pleasure. Two things Navy SEALS are always taught: 1. Keep your priorities in order 2. Know when to act without hesitation A college professor, an avowed atheist and active in the ACLU, was teaching his class. He shocked several of his students when he flatly stated that once and for all he was going to prove there was no God. Addressing the ceiling he shouted: "GOD, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes!!!!! The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by. “I’m waiting God, if you're real knock me off this platform!!!" Again after 4 minutes, the professor taunted God saying, "Here I am, God!!! I'm still waiting!!!" His count down got down to the last couple of minutes when a SEAL, just released from the Navy after serving in Afg...

Not really lost just slightly disoriented. Alaska is a really big place. Sometimes you forget just how big it is until you fly somewhere or take a drive on one of the few main roads. To give you some perspective, traveling in Alaska is like traveling no other place on earth. Alaska covers 570,373 square miles of land, plus an additional 45,000 square miles of water. It's the biggest state in the country. Alaska is 2.3 times the size of Texas , 10 times the size of Georgia or Florida ; and 499.7 times the size of frequent comparison victim Rhode Island . Alaska covers 20 percent of the total U.S. area. Alaska stretches across 57 degrees, 34 minutes of longitude between 52 and 54 degrees latitude. It’s BIG! The funny thing is there are only 4 major roads here, No interstate highways as we have no other state to connect with, only Canada . There are 5 other “main” roads but they mainly connect from the main “highway” into remote areas or villages and ...

along the way and thought I would throw them out and share with you on this coming of the New Year. Happy Holidays! I've learned... That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. I've learned... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for. I've learned... That money doesn't buy class. I've learned.... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular. I've learned.... That the Lord didn't do it all in one day. What makes me think I can? I've learned.... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts. I've learned.... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are letting that person continue to hurt you. I've learned.... That love, not time, heals all wounds. I've learned.... That the easiest way for me to grow a...

Here's a nother childhood fantasy destroyed . . . Ain't no gold under that rainbow. And this reminder sent from a friend to those during this holiday season, Always remember . . . Happy Holidays! Ice

Once upon a time in the land of hushabye Around about the wondrous days of yore They came across a sort of Box Bound up with chains and locked with locks And labeled kindly do not touch, its War A decree was issued round about All with a flourish and a shout And a gaily colored mascot tripping lightly on before Don’t fiddle with this deadly Box or break the chains or pick the locks And please, don’t ever play about with War Well, the children understood Children happen to be good They were just as good around the time of yore They didn’t try to pick the locks, or break into that deadly Box They never tried to play about with War Mommies didn’t either Sisters, aunts, or grannies neither Cause they were quiet and sweet and pretty in those wondrous days of yore Well, very much the same as now, not the ones to blame somehow For opening up that deadly Box of War But someone did Someone battered in the lid And spilled the insides out across the floor A sort of bouncy, bumpy ball made up...

As my youngest daughter has grown up and started dating it has become apparent that I needed to break out the rules again for dating my daughter. Before the holidays I had a strange thing that happened and wanted to share it with you. On one of the weekends before the Thanksgiving holiday some little girls stopped by the house to sell some gift wrapping paper for a school project. This happens every year and talking with the neighbors kids was nice seeing how they were doing and what was happening in their school. One of the young girls asked me if we could get the car that parked at the edge of our property to move it a little as it blocked the trail the kids use across the property as a shortcut to walk to school. They walk in the snow in below zero temperatures uphill both ways so it was not a problem for them to ask. I stated that I believed the vehicle belonged to the house on the other side of the road and up on the hill. (I figured they were parking there sin...

The holidays have been busy so nothing new here on the Northern front. I'm posting this one tonight as I spent time writing a Anniversary toast to a friend and ran out of time tonight. This was sent to me by a friend, enjoy. Richard had to cancel going on the cruise because of work, but he insisted I go. DEAR DIARY... DAY ONE I am all packed and ready to get on the cruise ship. I've packed all my pretty dresses and make-up. I'm really excited. DEAR DIARY ... DAY TWO We spent the entire day at sea. It was beautiful and we saw some whales and dolphins. What a wonderful vacation this has started to be. I met the Captain today and he seems like a very nice man. DEAR DIARY ... DAY THREE I spent some time in the pool today. I also did some shuffle boarding and hit some golf balls off the deck. The Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. I felt honored and we had a wonderful time. He is a very attractive and attentive gentleman. DEAR DIARY ... DAY FOUR Went to...

He’s been in all the papers and on TV all last week. MSNBC and USA Today From Florida , to Europe (I think), in web blogs all over the internet, and brought up on weather forecast’s on television he’s becoming a star. Baltimore found him. He’s the cool dude here in Anchorage t hat has the neighborhood buzzing and people from all over stopping by. Snowzilla , the 16 foot tall snowman built when there was not a lot of snow on the ground. The kids in the neighborhood brought sleds full of snow from their own yards to help bring this character to life. With a top hat, carrot nose, corn cobb pipe, and scarf Snowzilla stands sentry over the ‘hood. Build it and they will come . . . and they did! While I was there watching the snow fall a nd talking with the tourists from Florida I would guess there were 60 people stopping by in the 15-20 minutes I was hanging out. Over 1000 people a day are stopping by to see the “novel...

At this time of year, and all year really, we all need a moment to remember patience and good will. Even though Icewind is hesitant to put religious messages before you, the sentiments below are worthy, whether you pray to God or seek your own inner guidance. Oh Lord, help us remember that the jerk who cut us off in traffic last night is a single mother who worked nine hours that day and is rushing home to cook dinner, help with homework, do the laundry and spend a few precious moments with her children. Help us to remember that the pierced, tattooed, disinterested young man who can't make change correctly is a worried 19-year-old college student, balancing his apprehension over final exams with his fear of not getting his student loans for next semester. Remind us, Lord, that the scary looking bum, begging for money in the same spot every day (who really ought to get a job!) is a slave to addictions that we can only imagine in our worst nightmares. Help us to remem...

In a time that now seems so long ago in a year that had been heart breaking for many of us. 1968 was a very electrifying and appalling year , stressful and chaotic with many things happening around the world and in America; the assassinations of the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. and Robert F. Kennedy, the Vietnam War with the Tet Offensive, the Soviet invasion of Czechoslovakia, student uprisings continuing along with the riots during the Democratic National Convention in Chicago just to name a few. I was in my last stages of high school and as a child of the 60’s was totally fascinated by the Space Program. We would drive from Atlanta to Cape Canaveral (later the John F. Kennedy Space Center ) Florida to view the Mercury, Gemini, and Apollo launches. Each one was something to see and experience. As the size of the rockets grew so did the sound and vibrations of the ground from several miles away. To watch a rocket rise from the beaches on the Florida coast and rise ...

December 22...To All Employees I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness. I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime management has decided to cancel the Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay. Terri Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director Ice

Last night I went to my company’s Christmas Party. Upon my late return home I tried to write my nightly blog. Too much Crown and a really good time I could tell that I was not going to be able to do it. I decided instead to write what popped into my mind over about a 15 minute period before I crashed. It’s not pretty and I laugh tonight as I re-read it again. “ I'm a long-necked, double-filled Guinness . I'm a open-minded, aging redneck. I'm an ancient cocktail and an un-stressable air pocket. I can swim, but I can't be seen. I am full of tact but lack decent spring water. I hate going to the forest because of all of the rain delays. I've witnessed a happening; but I may never have heard your voice. I hear that the Iberian peninsula is beautiful this time of year, but I doubt I've ever been there. Twice I have fallen, but neither time did I get up because I hurt. I can beat you to the beginning, but you'll get me in the end. I used to rank ...

Employee Christmas Party MEMOS - Continued December 19...To All Employees I have arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest away from the dessert table and for pregnant members to sit closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with gays; each group will have its own table. And, yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the gay men's table. Happy now? Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director December 20...To All Employees People! People! Nothing sinister was intended by wanting our CEO to play Santa Claus, even if the anagram for "Santa" does happen to be "Satan”. There is no evil connation to our own little "man in a red suit." Patti Lewis, Human Resources Director December 21...To All Employees Vegetarians! I've had it with you people. We're holding this party at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue whether you like it or not. You can just sit...