Icewind's Ramblings

WHY WE FORWARD JOKES? The Amazon Basin web site that I play a few online games with friends was down for several days recently with technical difficulties moving the server to another location and gave everyone time to venture into our minds for other things to occupy our time and energy. It got me thinking about something as I was out of town for a few days and had many emails when I was able to connect to the internet again. Do you ever wonder why we forward jokes to each other across the miles? I am going to ‘splain it to you now (‘splain=southern=explain) A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a lon...

I don’t know if you have this ad in your part of the world but I keep seeing ads for KY Sensual Mist Personal Lubricant on television and it seems like they are playing it quite a bit here lately. I am not sure if that is because the advertisers are getting us prepared for another long hard winter with the extra hours of darkness that we get in Alaska during our winter months. The set up for the ad is the husband is sitting on the couch adjusting the TV sports channels and the pretty wife is upstairs calling him on his cell phone and reading the directions from the label. (Like they will need any directions) The husband quickly tries to figure out how to record the sports program and hurries upstairs. I keep making the same bad jokes in my mind and sometimes even saying out loud, just a little bit different each time . . . "I like to be personally lubricated." "I, personally, like to be lubricated." "Personally, I like to be lubricated....

May you Rest in Peace Steve Irwin . Thank you for all the work you did to help endangered species and protect all animals. Your enthusiasm and wacky way made us laugh and look at the animal world through different eyes we may never have known. You will be very missed by millions around the world. Irwin, the hugely popular Australian television personality and conservationist known as the "Crocodile Hunter" , was killed Monday, September 4, 2006, by a stingray while filming off the Great Barrier Reef . He was 44. Irwin was diving off Batt Reef, off the remote coast of northeastern Queensland state in Australia, shooting a segment for a series called "Ocean’s Deadliest" when he swam up behind and too close to one of the stingrays, which have a poisonous barb on their tails, his friend and colleague John Stainton said. It sounds like a freak accident that was being filmed for another program. "He came on top of the stingray and the sti...

There’s an old Alaskan saying about the men here and it goes like this: “The Odds are good but the Goods are Odd” Translation -- Not everyone would consider many Alaskan men someone to take home to the parents . . . Here are a few other sayings about Alaskan Men and their women. "When a woman gets off the plane the whole town knows." - A Kodiak fisherman. "She walked right by me without saying hello. That's the last time I fix her four-wheeler." - Alaska handyman "An Alaska man's matching set of luggage: two cardboard boxes sealed with duct tape." - A mother "When she came to visit I gave her one drawer in the file cabinet and two in the bureau. After all, a woman needs a place for her stuff." - Alaska man on understanding women. "I keep ice-cream in there during the winter." - Alaska man on why he keeps a file cabinet in his yard. Alaska Bush Pilot landing on a river gravel bar: Ice

This is the second part of a series with a few videos of helicopters. One is an emergency autorotation, the second a Huey with a mini-gun firing at targets and the third a UH-60 in action. Pretty good but the Huey firing is mainly to the rear at targets which is easier to hit. There is very little lead, lag of the rounds to hit the target as required for side firing shots. Every fifth round is a tracer round so you can see the target being hit or adjust your firing. Enjoy. Autorotation Huey with miniguns UH-60 in Action Thanks to the troops for all that they do to proudly serve. Ice

One of Alaska ’s oldest and oddest night spots, the Fly By Night Club is going off into the midnight sunset it’s final time September 8 th 2006. It has been a great place to see the oddities and oddballs for the last 26 years and will be closing its doors soon. According to its website: Proudly Serving "Spam ® , Booze, Rhythm & Blues" since 1980!! IMPORTANT FACTS ABOUT A SLEAZY BAR Mr. Whitekeys' Fly By Night Club is World Famous---we are known as well in Cairo as we are in Havana !! The club is the home of The Whale Fat Follies --"The Alaskan Show that the Department Of Tourism Does NOT want you to see." The club was founded in 1980 because there was no place else where you could order some of the world's finest champagnes and a damn fine plate of Spam ® . The Whale Fat Follies has now been seen by over 500,000 misguided Alaskans and visitors, which just goes to show how little there is to do in our pathetic little to...

It has been a busy couple of weeks here with family and friends in town for that last fishing trip as the season winds down. Hopefully I can get back on track with my posting again as I settle into that transition time between summer (we really haven’t had one) and the coming snowfall. Thanks to those that have been sending me items and I will try to get them into this blog as I can. I was reading one of my favorite blogs from Denny in Atlanta known as the Grouchy Old Cripple who had this little video. As an old chopper pilot I thought I would find a few to share with you as it was nice seeing new technology and also to remember to those long ago times. Part One. It may take a few seconds to load depending on your connection. Here is Helo Thunder: This second one gives a couple of great views of autorotation from both inside and from on the ground. It’s pretty cool and shows you what you do in an emergency to get to the ground in one piece. I hop...

I tend to pack light and without much fuss. I am quite the opposite of every woman who takes care to fold things just right, who plans out an outfit for every day that she will be away, who wishes she had brought just a few more things. The baggage I carry in actual bags is light indeed. What about that other kind of baggage? I’d like to think I do not carry around a load of emotional baggage, but honestly, I believe the emotional baggage I have gets stored away most of the time because I am just too busy doing other things. I do think that most of us have things that can cripple us or stop us in our tracks if we dwell too long or too hard on them, and so I have found that ignoring these things has worked for me (which tends to point towards the fact that my emotional baggage is not huge. I have only the stories of childhood, teenage, or adult trauma, you know the normal stuff). That is not to say I do not have days when I drag out the bag and sneak a peek every once in awhile...

and others from my wife’s friend Amy . A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa . "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said; "Wedding Cake." A Montana Highway Patrolman pulled a car over on I-90 near Bozeman . When the Patrolman asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a Shrine Clown with a specialty as a magician and juggler, and he was on his ...

Here is one for you, Remember everything you do has consequences! Heat got you down? Here is why there were some brownouts and blackouts in parts of the country. Was your area one of those? This may be why! How do I get through the days here in Alaska ? Here’s how . . . Ice

Reality? What is that? Last Comic Standing or was it a really slow TV night? From 2 weeks ago, I can't believe what I just did. I, for the first time ever, participated in the voting process for a reality TV show. I couldn't help myself. I love comedy and seeing how different people react to life and the funny situations found everyday. It has been a strange process as the show has been split between Bravo cable channel and ABC . The early shows on Bravo showed the nationwide search for the finalist and then each week one of the finalist’s would be voted off after several comics had a head to head performance. It then would be played on both networks each week as it came down to the final two performers. The show has gotten down to the last four comics and one is voted off each week. Three of the comics either did not have it this night or just weren’t funny. I felt like I had to make sure that I at least threw my vote behind the one t...

How Men ruin a romantic evening I am going out of town for a week for work and I’m not sure if I will have internet during that time so I wanted to leave you with this little goody to hold you till I return. Men sort of understand that women need that little down time every once in a while and also know you like that little added ‘spice in your life’. But somewhere along the way we men can always figure out how to screw it up. It must be the full moon. Enjoy! Ice

The truck where I get my burritos -- See July 24th Post -- which seems like it should describe something far dirtier than my weekday lunch -- is notorious around these parts for having slow service. They're consistently outclassed by the pizza truck, the Chicago Dog truck, and yes, even the Chinese takeout truck. Only diehard fans like me are willing to endure the wait for tasty faux Mexicana goodness. This week, the burrito truck changed its operating procedures. In the bad old days, we stood in line, waited forever, ordered at the truck, paid, and then waited another eternity to get our food. This was the normal thing and everyone expected this and sort of counted on this ritual as part of the culture of ‘truck cuisine’. Now, since they relocated to the new location down the street and after the “new” grand opening, they have an attractive young lady walk down the line with a pad and pencil and take orders from customers standing in queue. She then takes the book into ...

Truth in Advertising – Independent Suspension This is the third in a series of commercials I recently saw on other sites, Youtube & The Gag Report and thought them quite funny so I thought I would share them with everyone. These will probably never play on American television but might be great selling points for some of us. Enjoy! Ice

While browsing I found that a store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch . . . you may choose any man from that particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor. But you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband . . . On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord. The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor...

Truth in Advertising – Air Conditioning This is the second in a series of commercials I recently saw on other sites, Youtube & The Gag Report and thought them quite funny so I thought I would share them with everyone. These will probably never play on American television but might be great selling points for some of us. Enjoy! What do you think? Ice

This small mostly native village in western Alaska had its own “Katrina” disaster today as a fire swept through this Cup'ik Eskimo village, about 500 miles west of Anchorage. I have several projects going on in Hooper Bay and Scammon Bay so this was sad news for me. There is a feeling of frustration from my friends there as the lack of necessary basic fire fighting equipment or personnel in this village could possibly have made a difference. Hooper Bay 's remoteness left people little choice but to stand back and watch the tragedy unfold. The early response was 7 people on 4 wheel ATV’s (the normal transportation there) pulling a small trailer with a water tank. The pump was inoperable so that left them with 4 fire extinguishers to try to put out the fire that had just started. At last report, over 20 structures had burned to the ground including the old school (where the fire started possibly from kids playing), a store, several teacher houses, and abo...

Truth in Advertising? – Part 1 I saw a few commercials recently on a couple of other sites, Youtube & The Gag Report . I thought they were funny so I thought I would share them. These will probably never play on American television but might be great selling points for some of us. Enjoy! Jeep Ad – Suspension Ice

When was the last time you wrote a letter? Please note typing and sending an email is not the same as writing with a ballpoint pen, filled with blue ink, on a plain sheet of paper. In an age like ours, which is not given to letter-writing, we forget what an important part it used to play in people's lives. ~Anatole Broyard The other night I was eating dinner or was it supper (Supper is the last meal of the day, right?? But what about those snacks I eat at midnight?) and watching reruns of The Amazing Race on television. The contestants were reading the clues and hurrying to the next task when I decided I would complete a few e-mails I had waiting for me. It occurred to me that I never write letters to anyone anymore. I am lucky if I get the chance to answer a few emails during my busy week. Come to think if it, over the years I have never really been a letter writer. I guess I should thank the person who came up with e-mails. I remembered back to my youth ...

Ravenstoke Alaska has a solution for a problem for a town without enough women. Watch this short video to see how true Alaskan’s solve problems. Enjoy. Ice